A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's a long story but I recently traveled overseas to be with the guy I love for three months so that I could find out once and for all if we were in any way compatible. Yeah, I know, it was crazy, but it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, it was free, and I could take a job while I was here, too, and get a break from college. A few days after I came here, my mom emptied out more than half of my bank account, leaving me--us--broke. We're living on $10 a day for two people, including rent, and it's been really hard. My boyfriend introduced me to his family, his friends, and everything; he holds my hand as we walk down the street (just as he did earlier today) and even kisses me in public. I didn't think anything was seriously endangering our relationship. But apparently something is. Earlier today, we got into a bit of a tiff because he went to serve me lunch, I explained that I already ate, and instead of putting the food back for later he just piled it on top of his already heaping plate, and ate everything at once. I'll be honest, this pissed me off; we're living on $5 per person for goodness' sake and he just consumed $4 of food in one meal. We've had some other disagreements lately, too, all pertaining to money. When he goes to the store for breakfast (which I don't eat thanks to the budget issues), for example, I give him money strictly for his food and instead, he comes home with food for us both. Yeah, it's really sweet that he goes out of his way to do things like that, but I can't afford to waste any money I don't have to. It seems he just doesn't understand my situation and how I'm not a money tree, even though after every conversation he claims he understands. To go back to earlier, so we got into an argument (no screaming or anything) and afterward he was looking all sad. So I wrote him a note that said "I want to ask you a simple question: can you honestly say you're as happy with me as you thought you'd be?"His response? "NO!! And please once you are gone back to the U.S., hesitate calling me to come there!!"Okie dokie then; I've apparently done something to really piss him off, and I have no idea what it is unless he simply thinks I'm being a b* when it comes to money. He just left to go to the internet cafe and will be there a few hours. Should I just consider the relationship to be over (which is what he indirectly said when he said he never wants to come to the U.S. now, something which was very important to me in the event our relationship lasted until I was finished with college), or should I try to get the guy to tell me what he thinks I've done and see if I can understand where he's coming from and try to hear him out?
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female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Money can break a relationship which is wut its doing 2 urs.U both need 2 realize money isnt everything.It does seem like ur jumpin down his throat over every little thing even when hes trying 2 do something nice but i dont blame u,me & my husband went through the same thing,we were so broke & when he would get something 4 him & after i told him not 2 get me anything he would & it would piss me off sooo bad & that caused alot of arguements but when i talked 2 him about it he said the reason he would still buy me stuff after i said no was cuz he thought i was just sayin no cuz we were penny pinchin.So maybe thats wut ur bf thinks.We are doing really good on money now & we never fight im glad we never walked away 4m our relationship which i wanted 2 do so many times.He also probably feels bad cuz u guys r broke & theres nothing he can do about it & guys cant handle that & theyre bad under pressure.Dnt walk away yet,talk 2 him.Keep ur head up,things will get better. Everyone goes through a rut. Good luck hun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I understand money is tight, but everything he has done has been somewhat selfless. He went out and instead of just getting food for himself he got some for you as well! That's hardly something to get worked up over.
As for him eating $4 worth of food, well in a few days time perhaps he wont be hungry or he might contribute to something and you will get the $4 back. Everything evens out in a relationship in the long run.
What seems to have happened is that you have by nagging or arguing about money made him feel like a burden and also, seeing as he is a man you have emasculated him. Its really petty to have a go at someone for eating $4 worth of food! (cannot get over that bit).
Of course he doesn't want to come over to the US after you leave! You might have a go at him for drinking more than his share of a $1 coke can.
Money troubles can be stressful. Your mum took half your money and now you have very little to live on and granted, that can be tough. However, if you cannot get over it enough and have to make someone else feel bad perhaps its best for both of you if you moved on.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Better to spare him the anguished and more lies .Let him go. If he is no more into you , there is no need to find out the right reasons. It's just it.
You should build a new life without him and forget the past. Cut your losses and move on.
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