A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 7 years. This year he moved to another work premises. He was "working late" but we never seemed to have any extra money as a result of this. I noticed one evening when I was out that a number had shown up on the redail list, I called this number and a women answered. This number came up another number of times and I found it in his wallet and he denied knowing anything about it. I started checking his phone as he was very protective over it and noticed he was deleting all his sent messages. Bascially I got hold of his phone records and noticed all his messages were to this number, I confronted him about this and he fobbed me off with some excuse about she was keeping him informed with local gossip. I then turned his phone on one morning to find a message from her saying how they were over as he had this weekend to sort them and nothing. I went and confronted her, she owned up to things and told me they had slept together once but she didn't know about me or my son. The next day I rang her to find out more details about when they slept together etc and she changed her story to say it wasn't full on sex, just a kiss. I decided to forgive him and tried to build up the trust again but have since then found a message in his drafts telling someone he loves them but can't have them, he still won't admit that anything ever happened with this girl and he can't explain how this message got on his phone. My gut instinct is telling me he has chaeted but he's such a good lier I feel like I'm wrong and I'm going mad. Should I just leave if he can't be honest with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): I have been cheated on by my husband as well. And I do think that you should get some space. Because he cant even rewspect you enough to be honest with you. So how can you heal and move on with him when you dont know everything involved?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I have just been through a break up due thats nearly the same situation as you. I took him back after he was caught messing around and like your hubby he denyed it all even when i had hard evidence. I only took him back because i was pregnant at the time my hormones everywhere and still loved him and wanted to believe he was sorry.
Thing is hunni he has jut gone on to do it again and yet again denyed it, blaming this other woman for harrasing him!
The fact that they deny it means theyre not remorseful, mine went on to do it again.
Walk away like i have, even if you really do still love him and want it to work still by showing him you wont stand for this behaviour might give him the kick up the arse he needs. I've walked for good as mine is such a good liar i dont know whether im coming or going no more and i simply cant live like this, i'd rather be on my own bringing 4 kids up than constantly watching over my shoulder for his next move.
Good luck sweetheart
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 First, of all he is not such a good liar in my book. Yes he has been cheating. Now I do not want you to get the impression that I am some bitter women. Because if this situation had been a little different I would be the first person to tell you to try and work it out and sometimes people do stupid things and they regret them. But what worries me about this situation is that your husband has not admitted that he has done something wrong, he does not sound remorseful. Instead he is trying to cover up his affair which I think means he plans to continue these inappropiate relationships. The first step in getting over infidelity in a marriage is being honest. If he can not be honest you will never be able to trust him again. I think it is time for you to put your foot down and tell him to stop insulting your intellegience with the lies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Come on now, how much evidence do you need?
He has clearly cheated and cannot give any sort of adequate explaination here. Every single piece of evidence you have here indicated he has been cheating when looked at individually, put them together and there is NO doubt at all.
People can get over infidelity, it is not uncommon sadly, bit to do that the cheater needs to be remorseful, explain why it happened, be sorry, want to make amends and must be willing to work on sorting out what triggered it and repairing the damage.
It cannot be done any other way and your husband is not showing a single thing needed to move past this.
IF you respect yourself tell him to leave, if you dont respect yourself just put up with it and be a doormat for life
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