A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been having a relationship with a man for 8 years. We do not live together although I would like to and asked him if he would buy a house with me. He replied that he will not buy a house with a woman again. I went ahead alone.I have two older children for a previous relationship. all summer he had been very attentive and spent a lot of time keeping them in order especially my 16 year old. I felt very neglected.We spent fireworks night together. My month died before christmas and he was attentive by phone buyt I did not see him. He maintained our 5 year old child for the first time this year but I refused to get out of bed to see him. I di not see him all chirstmas. He spent it with his mother.I hate the way this relationship is going.We do not communicate, he is secretive, he does not maintain his child adequately, we have not made love since April on a special night in a hotel. He will not introduce me to his family.He makes me feel so lonely at the age of 45. I want to be happy and have a normal relationship.Why is he like this. Do you think he loves me? He is so atentive around the children. I am planning on getting out of this relatipnship but have problems developing new ones. I only got back with his because I have known him a long time.I look forward to your comments.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I've been seeing a man for over a year and I have not met his three grown children. He is very planning about what time we're going here or there and what side of town we go to. I invited him to Thanksgiving but he said he was going out of town. I did not hear from him on Thanksgiving or Christmas. It made me feel like I was not important. We talked about it and he said he just doesn't handle holidays well. I think I've had enough. This seems like emotional abuse.
My suggestions to all - if you feel you're not being treated like you need to be, leave. As much as you think you love another, they must show love back.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 Sometimes it just takes a little bit of care from someone else to give you the last bit of courage needed to get up and make the move. You are welcome for anything that I could have done. I wish you the best and I am sure you are going to be just fine.
8-)
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. It gave me the confidence to move on. I have known that I needed to get out for sometime. Just looking for the opening. Need to make new friends and get out more.
Thank you.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (30 December 2008):
Prhaps he cares about you and the children but he certainly isn't in a serous realtionship with you. You are the one who is having this illusion of the relationship you want and are struggling so sadly to get. I am sorry that you are having to go thru this. It truely isn't fair to you at all. Spending time with his Mother is fine but the time he chose maybe wasn't in the best of timming and possibly because he doen't put you first. This man is in a long term relationship that isn't really a good, healthy one.
Please listen when I say that your chldren deserve someone who cares enough to LOVE THEIR MOTHER. Someone who will spend time with her and give her the affections she needs. Without these things their lives will suffer too. You may not see it now. Both you and your children deserve someone who wants to committ here and make their family whole again. Think about it hon, after 8 years and you are still waiting to meet his family. I would be seeing RED FLAGS FLYING HIGH!
It's pretty hard to have a healthy relationship without good communication. It's important. I am sure you are feeling you are trying to do this alone, chances are that it's true. Being secretive could mean he's hiding something from you. If he doesn't maintain his own child adaquately then how on earth do you think he is going to take care of yours! BEWARE!
The fact that he is with you now and came back into this relationship was probably because he was just as needy as you. It sounds like you may both have a co-dependency problem.I am getting a bit suspicious of the attention he gave the 16 year old. He negleted you to spend time with the child. What is he up to? It seems a bit funny. Perhaps if it's a boy, he just did the guy things thinking it would help you. If it's a girl, not really a good sign at all.
If he's so attentive to your children, then why isn't he capable of tending to his own the same way? That's a bit odd don't you think? You question if he loves you or not, if after 8 years you can't tell, something is surely amiss here and it's time to OPEN YOUR EYES and see things as they really are. My feelings here are he maybe loves you and isn't in love with you. He is comfortable with the relationship the way it is. AFter all hon you let him get away with his bad treatment of YOU! It really isn't right of him to neglect your feelings and leave you out, making you feel lonely.
The idea of having a boyfriend is to have a companion. Someone you can go out with to dine, go dancing, or perhaps shopping and a movie. The idea is NOT to be ALONE!I know that 8 years is a long time to waste but I urge you to really look at your relationship. If it isn't giving YOU and YOUR CHILDREN all that you need, you need to walk away and find someone who will complete your family once again. It seems your b/f is just as happy with his MOTHER as he is with you. She'll keep him company until he finds someone knew. I have a feeling she is going to be alot like Dear Ole Mom and YOU! Someone who will feed his needs and keep him comming back for more and wasting her life away while doing it!
Take the chance and BOW OUT GRACEFULLY, after all you AREN'T married to this man and CHANCES ARE THAT YOU NEVER WILL BE!
Best wishes for a Better and Happier NEW YEAR~!
God Bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): do yourself a favour and get rid of him,he aint worth your time let alone being written about,move on just as i did after 6 yrs of waste
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): How much longer to you have to know him to see that he is not worth it? If you enjoy being treated this way then by all means stay where you are but if you don't then lose him knowing that you deserve better.
You can make yourself happy by doing things that you want to do and think of all the pros by removing all that extra luggage from your shoulders.
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