A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend went out with my best friend after we had broken up for like a week and i only found out two months later. I always thought there was something between them because during our relationship we had so many trust issues and problems because of her. I know some of you reading this will ask me to grow up and say that it doesnt matter since we were broken up when they got together, but i dont know for me ive always thought that friends come before guys, and the fact that she lied to my face while i cried over him and felt sick for weeks is probably about the worst thing a friend of mine could do. It's been a few months now and they are no longer together but i still can't seem to get over this. I know that i'm an emotional and insecure person by nature, but everytime i look at her i am reminded of why he never loved me and all the things he saw in her that he never seemed to find in me. how do i get over this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I had this happen to me. My bf of a year and a half broke up with me and three weeks later started dating my friend. Who is the one who got us together and the one that I called when we broke up. I actually asked her what she thought and she told me he just needed time and she believed eventually we would get back together. That same week she went to the beach with him and I found out they were together. Its been almost 2 years and it still hurts. But in time you get over it. I don't see my friend and they only lasted a month and he started calling me again. I found out through a friend that she was asking about me and she regrets what she did. But she never tried calling me or apologizing. She isn't a true friend if she did this to you. And you shouldn't feel dumb because you still feel hurt. You just have to try to move on from it and in time you will get past it. Some people only think about themselves and its a shame because in the end they lose a good friend. Give it time and you will be okay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): Gosh that isn't silly at all you have every right to be upset with both of them because what you didn't get was RESPECT from either. Technically you may have been broken up but there hadn't been much time and neither were considerate of your feelings at all. The fact that your friend lied doesn't make a friend it makes her a selfish competitor with you. In my opinion ... a good friend would of told you he asked her out before agreeing or if they got together unexpectedly told you right away . It Always hurts to break up with someone you care about but the reason you are still upset over this is ...because you were betrayed. That takes a long time to get over :(. Can I tell something I had a friend do the same thing to me in high school in fact she purposely went out with someone I liked because her past choices had been bad. They got pregnant immediately and married. Now many years later they are still together ... I ran into both of them recently and caught up. They both felt ashamed still after all these years and had actually made a big effort to get in touch. Me? I felt hurt then moved on and had a really interesting life I hadn't even thought of either of them in years when they contacted me. :) But what I discovered is their manipulative actions continued... they seemed 'okay' as a couple actually both wanted to talk to me alone so I wouldn't say great. They also don't seem to have many friends and didn't have much to say about thier children or other family members...in other words they were pretty selfish still. What you have witnessed is two people who selfishly did what they wanted without caring for anyone else's feelings. It hurts because you trusted them and would not have done it. And the pain they caused you could of been so easily lessened by both of them or one of them talking to you about it as soon as possible and showing that your feelings mattered to them... It's hard to see right now....but really of the three ...you would be the one I'd want to meet :) The other two need to reconsider how they treat others ... Sorry this is so long .... lol but ... their are some women and men that get a big ego burst out of one upping someone they know or from getting one over on someone and they just don't learn. I have seen people in resthomes treat eachother this way.... a sad way to live . If one of these people apologizes to you recognizes that they were wrong and genuinely feels regret for disrespecting you I might give them another chance as a freind . But if they don't .... you are better off now learning that there are people like that .... that will throw away family friends jobs etc for the thrill. Most often they don't actually get together , and if they do it is short or they are unhappy. You have no regrets. You trusted a someone romantically and as a friend and have grown ... you will continue to grow . They may or may not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): you just need to do more activities than usual. yes it's true that you can't get over that fast. i also experienced like that in my past but i finally got over it after 10 months. you just need to hang more with your family, and do a lot of relaxing time, so that your mind will be relaxed.
regarding your bestfriend, just ask her if she had this "relationship" with your ex. if she does answer yes. then try asking her the MAIN reason why she did had that "relationship" with him..
good luck. you'll finally get over it if you try harder. :)
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female
reader, befffy  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 I know exactly what you mean, It's happened to me before, and trust me I know how bad it is.
As just like you im rather an emotional person, and hate the thought of one of my friends going for my man if I ever broke up with him.
Real friends would at least be able to talk to you about it and not hide things like that from you.
If she lied to you all that time and couldn't even just talk to you about it, then maybe she's not such a good friend as you thought.
My best advice is to maybe back off for a while, and try to get over the situation as best you can, if might take quite a while, but it will be worth it x
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