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female
,
anonymous
writes: Should my boyfriend watch porn? I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and have tried to accept the fact that he watches porn, but I can't. He hides it from me now to save arguments but sometimes when I'm tidying his flat I come across it. He watches it every night and it makes me feel that I'm not satisfying him sexually. I feel hurt that he gets turned on by other women. Am I stupid to feel like this? Even though he knows that it hurts me and it causes a lot of arguments, he continues to watch it. That makes me feel as though it must be really important to him. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Honey all mens are the same thing my husband is just like yours so as long as he pleases you just ignore what his doing life is too short to worry about it too much you should watch porn too some times that's what I do but not with him by yourself good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): Woman! we need to all get some confidence here!
in my first reltionship i was quite.. wel i guess naieve really. I told my boyfriend i hated the thought of him watching porn and he swore to me he didn't about 7 months into our realtionship i found some lovely pictures in recycled bin he forgot to delete!
we had so many arguments about it and swore he acidently downloaded them off limewire.. and i believed him? and still he swore he didnt watch porn.
well i guess i knew deep down that he was not honest and after that for the rest of our reltionship i felt like utter crap (even though i was way better looking than him ;) hehe ) but it was just horrible the thought of him looking at other woman made me sick and made me kinda ill and depressed.
we split up in the end and he has now admitted to me he used to watch porn while we were together but he didn;t tell me because he knew how upset i'd be.
the guy im with now watches porn to but he dosen't try and hide anythign from me. he knew it broke down my last reltionship so much that he actually bothered to talk to me about it. (he used to tell his ex he didnt watch it either) but we had a really long deep talk about it and he was really open he said that when he watches pron he feels nothign for the girls hes watching its generally just the act and its just for his imgiantion to imagine him doing it with someone e.g me for when im not there!
there was obiously alot more to it than that but just him being open and me telling him everything i felt about it really helped.
If you try not to freak out and try and talk calmly about it just listen to what he has to say for himself. if he can't even talk to you about it then you may need to think about closing that door.
Yeah it is bad that our men are looking at other naked woman i still think that, and it does nothing for our self confidence! But actually look at porn most of them are skanky!
we all need to get some confidence in ourseleves and if you are that un happy with him take some time away and analyise you realtionship.
i promise you that the majority of men watch porn.. some more than others yes and its up to you if you deal with it or not.
i bet your all beautiful and if your partners donn't find you attractive they wouldn't be with you!
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A
female
reader, haytch  +, writes (28 May 2010):
when i found the porn on his computer it literally made me sick. he obviously wasn't thinking about me at all because those girls on his screen were ebony beauties with perfect faces and bodies, i always tell him how self conscious i am, i wish he would tell me that i'm sexy and that im his fantasy. but i know what his fantasy is, beautiful latinos with big asses.
i feel unwanted, i couldnt even explain to him just how bad it hurt, he said i was to blame coz i shouldnt have been snooping.
it hurts even more knowing that i know the score if the tables were turned.
i feel useless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): 'I hate that we have to accept this. Why should women have to accept this from their boyfriends or husbands'
The simple answer is we DONT have to accept this even though many people (especially porn using men) will tell us we do and try to convince us theres nothing wrong with it and that al men do it (which is rubbish)
The truth is once more women stop accepting in more and more men will stop as they will know its eiter a relationship with a beautiful real woman OR porn....(sure some will hide it but will get caught eventually)...
When watching porn is seen as the truely pathetic activity it is men will think twice (the smart ones anyway and the rest of the wankers (literally) will be alone with their hands
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): I have been dealing with the same issue for years. If I had to do it all over again, I never would have married him. I would get out of the realtionship now. The pain you feel now is nothing like you are going to feel later if you get married. It is degrading to think you don't measure up to the porn stars. My husband actually sent a birthday email to his favorite porn star and discussed how he loved her in "Buttslammer". How she was sooooooo hot and how he loved seeing her when he was in town (news to me). I found this out Christmas day. He's a porn addict. Get out now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): I have the same problem, I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 30, he tells me all the time that he will stop watching porn but never does. He claims if I would stop looking for it then I wouldnt find it on his computer. But he always trys to erase it all so I wont know, he under estemates my intelligents and thinks I couldnt figure out where to look for it, so then I fill that he is hiding it from me and that hurts worse than him actually watching it. Yesterday was Christmas and instead of enjoying it together I had to work and I came home to get ready to go to moms and I get on the computer to listen to my music while we get ready and to my suprise there it was "college orgy f##k fest" this was after 2 days before he says "Im not going to watch porn anymore as long as you say you beleave me," so I said it, I swear he does it on purpose, how could you keep doing somthing that you know the person you love "so much" hates, well I decided to leave him last night to make my piont that it hurts, I hate it and Im not going to put up with it and I came home this morning to get some things and to my suprise I find out that the whole night, thats all he did while I was gone. He wasnt even worried about me or anything, he was getting off, like he was thrilled that I left and gave him a night of satisfaction, if he loves me so much how could he do that to me and Im so despretelly in love I cant find the strength to pack my things and leave, but I cant live this way im so confused and hurt, I just want to be the only one for him. Im never going to be enough, Im young, Im beautiful, and I love him "in the flesh" what more could he ever ask for. HEATHER
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2006): I hate that we have to accept this. Why should women have to accept this from their boyfriends or husbands. I don't have an answer because I'm stuck in the same situation right now, and it's sad because i'm 20 years old and people tell me i'm attractive all the time...aparently not enough for my boyfriend to be only interested in me. All the lines of "men may want to live out a sexual fantasy," or "don't worry because men who look at it don't do it because they don't love you or don't want to be with," are just excuses to calm us, to try and make us okay with their dirty habit. I look at pornography just the same as cheating...you think they erase those images while they make love to you? If they have time to make love to you when they're getting all their jollies off from some silicon, nasty ass sluts on the computer or television? Maybe some but I'm sure they've got those images "Stored up for later." I hate that this is an excuse, I hate that I have to feel ugly about myself or inadequate from the man who tells me he wants to marry me and that considers me his best friend. It's a load of bull-shit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much to the three people who responded to my question. It made me feel so much better. Whenever I talk to my boyfriend about how I feel, he says I'm weird and that there's something wrong with me, all men watch it etc etc. Thank you very much. xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): I agree, Porn has no place in a committed, respectable, love relationship with two partners. Some couples agree to watch it together and that is their business. But BOTH people have to concur. However, this is not the case with you. I personally, would never, ever tolerate it my life so I understand the pain you feel-as everyone has differing moral compasses and value systems. If he keeps watching it when you have told him you do not like it and it goes against your ethical beliefs in a relationship, then you and he have very different values. And quite often thses differences will cause a ton of resentment and strife. I recommend you really, really reassess this relationship by asking yourself, if you want a future like this. Think hard on that. And don't believe that notion that "all' guys view it. I know a lot of good quality males (fathers, son, uncles, brothers, friends, etc) that dislike it as much as I do. It all has to do with good ethics/morals and believe me, a lot of males our there, have that.
One other thing, and I find this trend disturbing on this site. There are a lot of Aunts on this website who will come on here and use your thread as a soap box to spout their own agenda of why porn is not such a big deal. They don't live your life and feel your pain. So stand strong and make your own decision based on how you truely feel about this. Never tolerate anyone to make you feel bad for disliking porn and not wanting it in your relationship, because you are not alone, dear. We get postings like this all the time...and it's very apparent that porn is destroying a lot of relationships out there. Simply because there are women like you with high standards ...that will not tolerate this in their love relationships. For many of us females, sex is highly personal, loving, intimate act and we share our most inner heartfelt feelings with the man we love. So it is hard for us to understand why he feels that 'need' to view other people 'boinking' each other to get a thrill, when he has a lovely, warm, willing woman who loves him, waiting for him. I could never get why men do that--really. Take care, my dear and stay strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): I had the same problem with my boyfriend, but used to download it. Once whilst looking on his computer I found it. I couldn't believe that he was watching it and never told me. I couldn't help but watch it to see what turns him on. To my suprise I found it pretty arousing too.
I told him about it and that I felt uncomfortable that he watches it whilst I'm not around. But then I suggested that we watch it together. He agreed and got rid of everything on him computer and now we only watch it together on TV.
Just talk to him and tell him how you feel but at the same time, try to be suportive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): Hello.
Its out of order! And emotionally u will feel cheated. If he is watching it every night like you say, its almost guaranteed he is a porn addict - and the only way addicts change is through proffessional help. porn is normal, in a single blokes life - and i mean a little bit of porn. Were all curious when it comes to porn, but everyday is a serious problem. he wont change unless he realises he has a problem. And that could take ages.
You will either have to deal with it and accept it (atleast he doesnt cheat on you), or move on. its a tricky situation. but know thats its more an addiction problem than him just being a pervert.
take care, sorry for your troubles
k
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