A
female
age
41-50,
*eermas
writes:My husband comes to me at night after seeing porn videos and images on internet, he is already aroused and when he starts touching me i feel he finds it hard to keep himself aroused. We do end up having sex somehow, but I feel cheated. He doesn't get aroused by my body and thats shattering my confidence. I think instead of masturbating after watching all that crap, he just quickly comes to me have sex. I hate this fact, what should I do?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Change the sex routine is best. Pornography is doing exactly what it should, it's arousing him, and he's turning to you for sex rather than masturbating alone, which is what most men do. Your upset and think your unattractive, but if you have sex, it must be because he likes you.You feel he find it hard to stay aroused. What does that mean, does his penis go down?Change the sex routine. Why can't you go and approach him when he is watching pornography, and start of the love making then. Why do you have to wait until the middle of the night to have sex? Why does he always approach you, don't you ever go and tell him you need some sex. Do you dress in sexy clothes and try to tempt him into bed?This is the 21st century. Your allowed to talk to your husband about sex. Your also allowed to tell your husband what you like and you do not like. Your also allowed to ask him if he would like to try different things in sex.Although it's hard to believe, men do like women to show them some attention and not always leave it up to them to do the work. Many men feel ugly too, they feel their wives just put up with sex with them, so they turn to porn instead. This may not be the case in your situation. Your husband may just like porn (most men do) But a nice honest talk and some small changes on your part, may get you the type of sex life which would make you happier.Go talk to him. He's not your enemy, he's supposed to be the man you love. See if a nice talk together and then some daytime sexy touching might not make you BOTH feel a whole lot better.
A
female
reader, buterkup2  +, writes (11 February 2011):
Well, you are being cheated! He is getting turned on by other images then coming to you for release. In my opinion pornography is destruction for relationships. But whatever you opinion. I suggest you talk to him. Ask him why he watches it? Is it because he has trouble getting aroused? Is this a medical issues or psycological issue? Rule out those issues then focus on your relationship together. He needs to stop going outside of the marriage for something he should be searching for inside of the marriage. It's killing your self confidence. Men can also be addicted to pornography and it really changes how they relate to real women. After getting all that unrealistic crap in your head it can make real sex just not enough. It can be like a drug, you have to do more to get the same affect, porn can work like that for many men and some women. So I would talk to him, non threatening and non judgemental. Ask him to stop watching it and work on this issue with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): You just need to be honest with him, I know it's hard. Explain how you feel and how it makes you feel. You could also try changing your sex life, try adding exciement. What ever you do make sure you have he converstaion be open. It will pay off in the long run.
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