A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's a description of this guy I dated 2 month and who just ended it with me:- he's 33, smart, well-travelled, athletic and very attractive- he's had many gfs but has never lived with one- his ideal Friday and Saturday nights are going to bars and getting drunk with friends - he drinks loads of alcohol- he typically dates girls in their mid 20s who are good looking- he admitted having cheated on gfs before- he describes his last gf as ignorant (meaning he could never have a conversation with her and she would change her mind very easily), yet he was thinking of proposing to her! (she ended up leaving him)The sex was very good and we were both very attracted to each other, but if I look at the list above, he's not what I am looking for yet I am broken-hearted he left me. Why? I kind of ignored the bad and only looked at the good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): What a SUPERBLY written reply from Natasia, listen to her, she has got the guy you refer to very well summed up.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 He sounds like the type who is good at making a woman feel (a) special for being with him (b) specially lucky for being with him ... and so, when you are then out of his favour, you feel doubly worse.
But, when you look at it calmly and without the sexual attraction element (he was good looking, sexy, cool) - when you take that out, he is emotionally manipulative, deeply selfish, vain, and emotionally immature or at least stunted in some way, as cannot cope with commitment. The one time he did think about it, he was dumped, which has probably made him worse.
He chooses women based on their physical attractiveness and youth only. He chooses one-dimensional women (or, at least, that is how he looks at them - and when they won't do what he wants, he doesn't like them). It's like he is choosing a car or a pair of shoes. He wants a sexy accessory to his life.
This is rubbish - nobody can be happy and loved and respected with someone like this. He needs someone as shallow as he is, and empty-headed as well.
He might have looked nice, but he wasn't. Find a guy as good on the inside as on the out. There is immense beauty and attraction in someone being a good, kind, loving, funny, caring, decent guy. Find one of those.
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A
female
reader, Tiffers +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Rejection. Out of the many logs of anger, Rejection is the hottest!!! Chances are this guy surrounds himself with these women to feed his ego because he is not a secure man. He appears to be on the outside, but men who plow through women in that manner are not happy with themselves. Men who are secure with themselves and are good men don't really behave this way. I mean boys will be boys, but how many women are we talking about here? And he doesn't have girlfriends living with him because he is not looking for a commitment, he is looking for a piece. It hurts really bad when we get involved with men not realizing they are not on the same page, and we are putting our hearts into it and they are not and don't care at all and can just walk away like we never loved at all! One thing I have learned is that a break-up or marriage is very very seldom only one person's fault. If he takes zero responsibility for any part in his past breakups, chances are it was a lot more his fault than he is willing to admit. That is also going to indicate a liar. This guy seems like he did you a favor, I have been down this road before with men and you have to look at the way he treated you. You can tell a lot about a man by the very first date. How did he treat the waitress, how did he treat you? Seems like he has issues that would have gotten undoubtably much much worse, so do yourself a favor and don't look back. Some men have a way of preying on our weaknesses, and manipulating us into thinking things are our fault when they are not. I would bet a million dollars his ex caught on to him and had enough and dumped his ass! Look at the facts here, every good thing you had to say was entirely superficial and all he ever really had to offer was I'm sure a big one, was good in bed,and really good looking, but had nothing else really to offer you. Like the things that matter: respectfulness, humble, loyal, faithful, kind, sweet, genuine, romantic, thoughtful, etc. There are good looking men who are good in bed who have a good heart as well so don't settle for this mediocre loser. Chances are deep down he probably knows you are not on the same level and deserve better than him. Don't take it personal, and believe me when I say from experience, it will not change, he will never change, and it is a waste of your time and heart. Put your heart into someone deserving of it honey!!!
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A
female
reader, SmilySmily  +, writes (7 November 2010):
Well, I am actually havin the same sorta problem like you..it's like as we all are, when you like someone so much, we try not to see the bad side or not-so-great side of the person or ignore them sides of the guy. I think we all do that naturally when we like someone. I am broken hearted too but I believe that i will get over him soon and someone better will come along and brightens my days!!!!! and Im 100% sure that it will happen to you too!!! ;) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): He sounds like a typical "player" good looking, charming but they will break your heart. It really is nothing you've done wrong it's just the way those guys are.
They like the chase but get bored easily and are usually pretty shallow with not much substance underneath all that charm. They aren't relationship material, if you just want a bit of fun these kind of guys are ideal but if you want something real avoid like the plague.
You are broken hearted because you liked the guy, that's natural, but try not to be too upset because i guarantee he would have strayed had you gotten into a relationship. You've saved yourself more heart break by not going any further with this guy.
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