A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever began dating someone who seemed TOO perfect?I met a guy 6 months ago, through his best friend. His best friend fancied me, but the feelings weren't mutual. I actually fancied his friend, and it turned out he liked me back. One night, about 3 months ago, he gave me a lift home from work, as my car wouldn't start. We ended up staying out til 5am, talking, and it was amazing how much we had in common - he seemed like the male version of me, and I knew what people meant when they said they felt they had met their other half. He seemed like the perfect guy, stunningly good looking without being vain or arrogant, a genuinely nice person, plus he had a very stable successful job and really lovely family and friends. As I got to know him, I felt I could truly trust him. We both wanted the same things out of relationships and life, and he said he wanted to look after me.We dated for about 4 weeks, then he became quite ill, and was hospitalised for 10 days. I visited him every day, and he told me that as soon as I walked through the door, that was when his day would start. Knowing he would see me would get him through the day.Perhaps because we got quite close with him being in the hospital and it wasn't a usual start ton a relationship, he told me he loved me very early on. I could have said I was falling in love with him, but I knew I wasn;t in love with him. I guess that was the one thing that made me feel a little wary.He had quite severe surgery and he was told it would take him up to 6 months to fully recover, and he would have to give up his job as it was bad for his health. He would have to start from scratch career wise as that was the only thing he was qualified to do.He became quite down - he said he had nothing to offer me any more, no money, no future. I told him that money didn't matter to me, I was with him because I really liked him. He seemed happy enough with that, althoguh I know he felt a bit inadequate, because he told me right from the start he wanted to look after me and give me the things I deserved. All I really wanted was emotional security.A week after he came out of hospital we went away for a long weekend at a friend's holiday home near the coast. It was absolutely fine on the way down and the first night we got there, then things went downhill. Youknow when you're trying to be affectionate with someone, but they don't reciprocate, and you just get that vibe that something's wrong, but when asked, they say they're fine? He was like that for 3 days. On the way home, he didn't even speak to me, until I said to him that I didn't get the impression that he was interested anymore. He told me he was very interested, but that he thought we were different people, and that he didn't have anything to offer me, and he needs to spend time rebuilding his life.I should probably add that a family member of his passed away 6 months prior to us getting together, and the last time he had been at his friend's holiday home, with with the family member (who he was very close to). I don't know if this was the reason for him going cold, or the build up of everything that happened, or if he pushed it too soon...I don't know.All I know is I really trusted him and I feel so let down. I wish I knew why or what happened, but I can't ask him.He's been in contact recently, asking if he can come see me, if we can meet up for a drink, saying how good I look lately and being a bit flirty. I don't understand what he's playing at! :o(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): I wouldn't take it personally. What he is going through is a huge deal, especially for a man. Falling ill and losing your career are both huge failures in his eyes. And don't forget he is a MAN. His ego must be devastated.
Guys love to be the provider and be able to support you and protect you. It is part of their manlihood that they want to do that. They like you to think that they are invincible and strong and manly. And he has just lost all his means towards being that person. He feels like a loser. He feels inadequate as hell. He feels he needs to rebuild his life and feel good once again, before he can commit to anybody. He didn't necessarily lie to you about how he felt really. Its just that the situation changed and he needs to be alone right now.
I know it is not fair to you that he feels the need to end things with you so that he can rebuild his life, but that's just what he feels he needs to do. He doesn't want you to know and remember him as the guy he feels he is today. He wants you to think of him as the guy you thought he was before he fell ill. So he would rather end things with you just to save that memory in your eyes.
If you really like him, I would let him be, yet be there for him and be a friend to him if he needs you. And stay in touch with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): is it possible that he exaggerated about his financial success? you said he had a good job, but he tells you he doesn't have any money. he could be in a lot of debt too, or have other problems with which he doesn't want to burden you. it sounds like he's really interested in you, but for reasons unknown, might not be ready for a full-blown relationship. I would give him time and take things slow.
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A
female
reader, xxbaybeegal +, writes (6 July 2008):
 Aww x
So he loved you before the surgery more than he loved you after the surgery ok.
Well he said he needs time to rebuild his life so dont put pressure on your-self.
when you think about it; he's just come out of hospital, lost his job due to having to stay in hospital and lost a relative.
Maybe its doing his head a little so give him space and time, because you never know you might get back to how you guys were before the hopsital incident.
As for the flirting stuff; i dunno about it but maybe he doesnt want you to feel that he doesnt love you anymore and putting on an impression (in a good way).
But in the meanwhile, all you can do is wait...
Gd Luck x
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