A
female
age
41-50,
*ainey23
writes:I just need advice on a possible second chance with my ex-boyfriend. We lived together for almost 3 years and were engaged for a year of that. We had great chemistry and I got really close to not only him, but his kids as well. We told each other we loved each other every day and were pretty much joined at the hip most of the time. After awhile, He started getting really distant with me and I got tired of him losing jobs, not contributing financially to our household and treating me like I could do nothing right. We started arguing more often, but would always "talk it out" and get back on track. But, he seemed to hold grudges. Last November, he lost another job and suddenly, without warning, told me he was leaving. I was absolutely devastated as I was nowhere near ready to give up on our love. He left so fast that he even left all of his stuff at our house and I was surrounded by memories every day. I felt like the three people I loved in the world were dead... him and his 2 kids, who I never even got to say goodbye to. I also found out he had a one night stand with some chick in a bar while we were together. I was a pathetic mess and kept calling and emailing him to get him to talk to me. He was really cruel and mean. Then, he would be nice and try to talk. But, If I interjected any emotion about what happened, he would go right back to being mean. In February, we all of a sudden, were on good terms again and we even slept together twice. Then, he suddenly was "dating" someone else and I was hurt all over again. So, I lashed out by emailing this new girl and letting her know we had been sleeping together. He wouldn't speak to me after that and has since acted as if I destroyed his life because I emailed some people about his lies. This has been a back and forth thing for almost a year now. But, I am at a point where I do not want to fight with him anymore. I want us to forgive each other for our mistakes and try to be in each other's lives again. I know it sounds crazy, but he was the love of my life and I want us to have a second chance. I recently sent him an email applogizing for everything I hurt him with and he has, in the past, appologized to me as well. But, he still won't talk to me. He said "this is his life and he wants me out of it." I was always there for him in our relationship, sacrificed a lot for him and the kids and never called him horrible names. I only acted in anger when he betrayed me and it was a normal human reaction. I don't understand why he can't let it go and talk to me again. Do you think we have a chance of knowing each other again?? I have stopped contact with him now, but I don't know if it's too late. What should my next move be? Even though he has acted like a jerk and nothing like the man I fell in love with, I am having a hard time letting him go and have been really depressed over it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
 The comment "his life and he wants you out of it" pretty much says it all, not a chance. He holds grudges as you specified...Plus you did what you could apologize, but really the only thing you did wrong was email the girl he was dating. There's nothing more to apologize for, he walked out on you, remember? So he should be the one blowing up your phone or inbox with apologies. You need to understand that clearly you guys aren't getting back together. It's over, learn to accept it and move on.
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