A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey All,I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I recently found he had sex with a girl he was seeing, just a week before we met. He had told me it was a month and a half since he last had sex. But this isn't a big deal to me about having sex a week before he met me.Before we got intimate I had asked him if he was tested. He told me he was tested and it was clean. I asked him if he had sex with anyone else after being tested. He said he had sex with that girl, twice after the test. I pointed out to him if that was the case he can't be 100% sure because their relationship was casual. But he said that he knew she did not have anything so he knew he was clean.Recently found out through messages between them, that at the time he started persuing me, she contacted him to tell him that she had chlamydia. At that point, from their messages he seemed to also think he had it too. He was taking pills for a week to clear it up. This was about a week before we had sexual contact. We did everything without full penetration...so enough sexual contact.I only JUST found out about this after a whole year of being together. I feel as though if he suspected he could have had Chlamydia and was taking medicine for it only a week before we had sexual contact (unprotected) he should have said something to me or I know it may be embarrassing so maybe just not have any sexual contact with me until he got re-tested to make sure he was defo 100% clear. My point is at the time even if the risk was as low as 1% he was still irresponsible for having sexual contact.After we had sex we did get tested and have no STD. So this means we did not have anything.So am I over-reacting or being unreasonable? He seems to think it is not a big deal because he just keeps saying that he had nothing. Whereas I somehow feel betrayed, hurt and like that important trust is broken that he would have sexual relationship with me so soon after either having this or MAYBE having this. I mean, it was only about a week after he came off the pills he went with me. THe point is, AT THE TIME of sexual contact he could not be 100% sure he was clean (even though he keeps saying he was 100% sure at the time!)So tell me please. Am I over-reacting? Are my feelings unreasonable? All he just keeps saying is that he didn't have it when he was with me!! He also says this is in the past. What do you think? This is so upsetting and frustating to me.Thank you all.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Unless he had some weird strain of chlamydia that was resistant to the antibiotics, then actually he wasn't jeopardizing your health at all. He finished his antibiotics, he would have been clear by the last day of the antibiotics. You wouldn't worry you could catch strep after they'd already finished their antibiotics, would you? You don't have to be retested after you've finished your antibiotics, he was clean.
Is the issue that you think he was risking your health or that he lied? I don't condone lying, but I can see why he would. Your relationship is new and it's not exactly a turn-on to say "hey I recently had chlamydia, but don't worry, I'm better now." Most women would probably react the way you're reacting now, which is to be really nervous that they will catch it or be repulsed into not wanting to stay with him.
I normally really hate lying in a relationship, about anything at all. But I think on this, you should give him a break. He WAS clean. There isn't some waiting period once you finish the antibiotics, once you're done you're done. It sounds like you wouldn't have stayed with him if he had told you, even though there was no reason to break up or even not have sex.
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