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female
,
*ella
writes: I have a new boyfriend and we really have a great time together and get on brilliantly. Hes in his mid thirties, like me. At the weekend we spent the night together at mine for the first time. I was competely shocked to find that he couldnt sustain an erection, and was soft the whole night. I didnt say a word, and he said briefly at the beginning of the night that he just needed time to relax and it would take a while. We did everything else which was great but he was soft the whole time. I kept quiet and didnt make a fuss, but i have never experienced this before. I'm worried it might always be like this, why did it happen?
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female
reader, Bella +, writes (12 April 2006):
Bella is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for your answer!!! I hope what i experienced is similar to what happened to you, i am seeing him this weekend and will be spending the night at his for the first time. He makes it very clear to me via messages and little things he says that he is deeply attracted to me (without any prompting from me) so i am assuning its not because he isnt sexually attracted to me. I am extremely considerate of other peoples feelings and definately do not want to make a deal of this as i appreciate it could add to the pressure and make things worse. I will take your advice and take things very slowly and keep quiet for now, this is a man who has put a smile on my face for the first time in a long long time, we're enjoying getting to know each and its been so much fun, i pray to god this can be resolved over time. I do know he is extremely stressed with his work, he doesnt go on about it but he has said enough to make me realise that this may be a contributing factor, i'll try to ease his stress and just see how it goes... thanks again!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2006): Very likely that this problem will go away with time and patience.
I have been in a similar situation - where I spent the night with a girl who I fancied so much it actually had the opposite effect of giving me a raging erection! Strange I know, but I felt under such pressure to perform well, because I wanted things to work so much, that the little guy was going nowhere. Unfortunately, once your boyfriend becomes aware of this, it gets worse and he would be kicking himself for not performing.
Thankfully as anxiety alleviates, things will start to happen, and you made the right move by not making an issue of it. Give it a few weeks, taking things slowly, and if after that time nothing is happening, tackle the issue head on. He may be harbouring some psychological or even physical issues which it will help to discuss.
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