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female
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anonymous
writes: I hope you are able to help. During this year i lost my virginity to my best friend. We slept together quite a lot over a period of a few months and although we weren't in an official 'relationship' we had mutually crossed over from being more than just friends. I recently found out that he was seeing someone whilst i was sleeping with him and have been left devastated. He seems to think im over reacting as we werent in a 'relationship' and subsequently isnt talking to me because of my reaction. I really tried to talk it through but im just so angry. I dont want to loose his friendship as we have been friends for years, but i am so hurt by this and am at a complete loss at to why he did this, whats happened to our friendship and what to do. He's not still seeing this person as far as im aware, but to be honest i dont know if he's just saying that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you.
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best friend, lost my virginity, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005): I suppose I can see where you're coming from. I suppose losing your virginity to a good friend is at least with someone you like and trust.
I go on several agony aunt websites, and generally I've realised a few things,
sex + friends = trouble + heartache
sex + best friends = Heartache + trouble + loss of friendship
The problem is, I can see whre he is coming from too. The only thing I can say, is try to make it up, but just stick to friendship from now on. And realise that you need to find out where you stand with someone before sleeping with them. Hope you make up, you sound like you were really close.
Best of luck, hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): Such a sad situation for you. I need to ask, dear. If you weren't in an 'official relationship' with this guy, and there was no committment or love, then why would you give yourself sexually to him? By doing that, you only set yourself up for unecessary pain and hurt. As women, we tend to emotionally bond to men we have sex with. A lot of males do not think this way, and though you valued your virginity, it did not have much meaning to him. That is one of the reasons why the more cautious, prudent girls value their virginity, and keep it intact until 'after' they give and recieve love in a solid committed relationship. Give this up and try to forget having any type of relationship with this guy-including a friendship.
There is too much hurt here, for you. His behaviours are telling you he is not a guy with high character traits. This is a guy friend who is the habit of leading on a women’s hearts. Leave him alone and learn from this experience. I am sorry, dear.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (15 December 2005):
 I am sorry that you are going through this, unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do to change what he did to you but there is a really good lesson to be learned here. No matter how good of friends you are make sure your wants and needs are laid out before you get into bed with anyone. If you want a relationship, tell the guy. I don't know if I would spend my days worrying about a friendship with a guy that lied to me and broke my heart, I think I would let this one go. I know it is hard and it hurts but you have to remember that what he did was wrong, not you. He should have expected you reaction to be like this, you gave him your virginity! I honestly think he should have atleast been supportive of you rather than not talking to you anymore. Please take care of yourself.
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