A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I split up a few months ago after 2 1/2 years together and I'm trying to make sense of a few things. A few months prior to our split I was having a hard time at work, and I felt unsupported by him. He was working three jobs in the hope that we would move in together. One thing I loved about him is that he never had a bad word to say about anyone and I only heard him complain once saying that he was tired which was around the time we started experiencing problems. I tried to support him however I could, but he started cancelling on dates, as he was working so much.I would arrange dates and he would cancel on me at the last minute saying that he had to work. I hadn't seen him in several weeks when his Mum phoned up in tears thinking he had been in a car crash (long story). Little did I know that he had told his Mum that he was with me, so my boyfriend wasn't best pleased that she had phoned me up at home and found out he had been lieing about his whereabouts. (When he went out for a drink with his pals, he would tell his Mum he was with me because she was totally against drinking which is what I imagine he did this time). He phoned me up in a bad mood saying that I had landed him in it because his lie had been exposed, but he hadn't even called me to say he was going out.I messaged him to say that I hope he worked things out with his Mum, as I knew how angry his Mum could get at times about things. Then a few days later he asked me when a good time to call was. This sounded serious to me so I told him I was free that evening and he never contacted me. I messaged him a few days later asking him if everything was o.k., but again I got no reply so I presumed we were over. It wasn't until a month later, that he started contacting me again. We did abit of small talk, and I got the impression that he wanted to get back together again. Then he asked 'what is happening with us?' as if we were still together. I said that I didn't think he wanted to see me anymore, and then he said that he didn't think things were working out. I was suprised that he said this as I thought the whole reason he got back in contact was that he wanted to get back together with me. I asked him what parts of the relationship wasn't working, and had he been seeing someone else (because he had been acting so out of character). To this day he has never answered me. I was convinced he would contact me again, but I haven't heard a word since. Given that he has never answered me, do you think he was cheating on me? I just don't know what to think anymore.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 Your instincts have the ring of truth. You know him through and through. His deceit to you and his mother is disappointing. Based on your instincts and his deceit and his silence I agree that he has been playing up, found no one better than you, but is now consumed with guilt regarding what he has done. He wasn't working all the time, he was out drinking, and perhaps looking at what else he liked. The tongue lashing from his Mother probably has made him
feel even more chastened. And if he's not willing to come clean, and explain himself, truthfully, then I think he is history. The lying really bothers me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): He could have been, but in any case if he is cutting off from you then he is treating you just as badly anyway. Leave it and try to move on; you deserve better treatment than this.
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