A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:when j and i first got to know each other, i was still with my ex. then, i was having problems with my ex, so i kind of confided in j and talked to him about my unhappiness.j was furious when he learned how badly my ex treated me and tried to get me to leave my ex. my mum was against me being with my ex cause he was married with two kids. on new yr's eve last yr, i stayed out wiht my ex behind my mum's back. i did not tell her where i was. when she kept calling me but could not reach me, j helped me to calm her down and messaged me telling me not to worry about my mum as he'll help me talk to her.this was an example of the things he did t me. i found him so selfless. then i later broke up with my ex to be with him after 4 long mths of being caught between the both of them.j and i have been together 5 mths since.but in the last mth till now, i noticed a big change in him.he no longer wants to stay over to accompany me. in short, i just feel that he no longer loves or care about me. i talked to him about it, but he just keeps insisting that i'm being emo and that i should stop thinking so much.he told me seriously that in the past he has been lagging behind in his work and now needs to be more focused. he says he needs to work hard for his family and our future.and when i asked why he no longer seems to want to stay over, he told me that i had to be reasonable. he says that over the 5 mths we've been together, he noticed that his mum (who suffers from depression)'s condition has worsened and he needs to spend more time with him now. i know he's filial, thats true.but i cant help feeling that he no longer cares about me.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Some men can be this way sometimes. He already has you, so now he is no longer working so hard to get you. Maybe you could act like you are going after him now, by doing little, selfless things for him. I am sure that he will appreciate your efforts. But expect nothing back from him for the time being, because maybe he really does need to focus on his work.
And if you are still worried, do a little bit of investigating, but don't go overboard with it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): If he told you he needs to focus on his work, he might be telling you the truth. He might have put off all his work to be with you at the beginning. It is a cooling period right now, he needs to finish his work and clear his head I think you need to be reasonable when he told you that. Is he single, you never mentioned that. Why did you leave your ex without knowing if j. wants you or not ? It's like you quit your job before finding a new one, I wouldn't have done that if I were you. j. might have a lot going on with his life than you do the way I see it. I think he still cares for you and taking thing slow.
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