A
female
age
,
*arigri
writes:I think I might had been on denial.So many years of marriage and I thought was a goodmarraige. Problems,yes,some,but I thought we loved each other.I felt that he loved me,he cared for me,but I was kind of doing my best to keep the marriage happy. Sometimes I knowthat I did walked in eggshells because I didnt want to see him upset or angry.Well,we had to move to another state because of expensive taxes,so we did move to a great house in the country. Big and amazing house but far away from everything.I couldnt find a job there,but I was trying to be happy in the house,so,I started to work in the house. Did everything,gardening,fixed stuff...all that I could.Suddenly I started to feel empty. He was working a lot -he said.He would come back from his job,screaming,yelling,angry about the traffic.Sometimes he was ok,but he started to behave differently after 3 years in that new place.Suddenly he started talking about his friends that were divorcing....just strange.My mother then got very ill and I had to go to see her and take care of her because I am her only child and Dad couldnt handle her disease. So,I stayed longer,but I was calling him every day,and telling him news about Mom,and asking if he was fine,and showing him my love. When I went back home,some of his friends told me he was diferent,and that I had to pay attention on him. One of his best friend told me that I wasnt living in the house anymore,so I wasnt apart of what was happening.I asked my husband why his friends were talking with me like that,and he told me he didnt know anything,that the only thing he wanted was to have a safe heaven in that house,and when I was with Mom he didnt have to worry about me.My mother was dying and I couldnt see anything. I went back to the hospital and Mom got worse.After some days she died.He didnt went to the funeral,he didnt go to help me.He just called me and said he was sad about the sittuation. Later I found out he was chatting a lot with many of his women friends from high school,and one in particular he sent her gifts,and she was making dinner for him.He was conforting her because her father had just past away.But was near our house,so,he could go to confort her.Mom was living in another state,was diferent.I was so furious that I called him and asked him to stop seeing her,and he said he woulnt do that. He said that he was free to do anything he wanted.Then I said I was going to leave him,and he said that was fine.I asked him again,twice to think about it,and he said he wouldnt.Later I said I definitely was going to leave him,and he asked me to not go,to stay,but that he wouldnt do what I asked.He also said that he was tired of me being sad and whinning.I told him that I was coping with a place far away from everything,no job,no friends,and mom's death. Was too much for me.I dont think he understands that.He then send a friend to talk with me and asked if she could be our mediator.I dont believe that a man that I thought was very mature,intelligent,loved me,cared about me would behave like this.I dont understand what is going on.Could anyone help me to understand what is going on? I'd appreciate some advise,some clarification,some recommendation,anything.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): What is going on, is your with a selfish prick who does not give a baboons bottom about you. If I were you I would get my head together forget feelings and do as the others say, get a good Lawyer and look forward to a future without this grease ball.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
 Cerberus is absolutely right in suggesting the bereavement counselor! First call. Then the sharkiest divorce attorney you can find. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Tisha is right, OP. We don't need to tell you what's happening or what you have to do about it, you know these things already. Just know that what you're thinking is right.
Get professional legal advice and if you haven't already go talk to a bereavement counsellor.
Don't let him pawn you off on his friend who will no doubt be on his side. It's time to get your shit together. I recommend the bereavement counselling if you haven't already, OP, it's not only the loss of your mother that you need help to grieve over. you'll need all the strength and coping mechanisms they can provide, and of course the outlet too, for dealing with this situation.
It's time to leave him out of your solutions to this, OP, it's time you took the upper hand here and started working on things outside of his knowledge.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
He sounds like this husband. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-go-back-to-my-husband-with.html
I would advise you to see a lawyer before you make any moves. A friend of mine informed me that there are a lot of mistakes people make which hurt them financially in a divorce.
Then get in touch with a marriage counselor and work through that professional rather than a "friend" of your husband.
Document all the cheating type activities, take careful looks at phone and financial records.
Basically, get all your ducks in a row.
A man who does not help his wife deal with the death of her parent has already checked out of the marriage. He is only interested in keeping you compliant to his wishes as long as you don't interfere with his extramarital affairs.
Get smart! Learn your options and plan accordingly.
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