A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:ModNote: no mention of charges laid against the OP so I am not calling this a crime. Instead I belive the Op was the victim from reading this account. I met this man in 1987... We have been in and out of love, or what I thought was love now I'm 53 and he has left me... hopefully for good.This is just one of the many breakups we had had in the 25 years.We do not live together but he recently had been taking some on-line classes and asked he could use my computer so I had given him a key to my place. He had been spending quite a lot of time with me. I could help him navigate through some things he was not so familiar with.I was coming home from the store, walk in was making dinner, He seemed agitated, Someone had scratched up my car so I had been trying to put wax stuff on it to maybe save the paint job. I had asked him to please look at it. He was going to pay his rent so he asked to use my car to pay it. I had unloaded the stuff and my carport was on the other side of building same direction he was going in so he could look at my car and pay his rent and move the car while I finished dinner. He came in and threw the towel in my face. I ask did he look at the car. I had put wax on the car and I did not smell it on the towel so I went down to check it to make sure it was not just sitting paint because it was getting colder out. When I came back he staring screaming at me you "(really nasty words)" over and over louder and louder... I ask him for my key and asked him to leave. He refused and just started screaming it louder. I saw his key so I grabbed them and he lunged at me and we were physically fighting over the keys. He was still screaming the same nasty words louder. I kicked him with my knee he let go of the keys I ran out of the apartment got my key off and told him to leave or I would call the police. (I really was just saying this to scare him) He stared grabbing all his stuff he had in my place still screaming the same thing over and over. He left. I got all of the dinner stuff out of the oven then decided to leave to go to the pharmacy. I forgot to pick up some medication that the doctor has given me for sleep. I did not have any left and I thought that I would need that for sure tonight. I gather up the trash, lock my door I opened the door to go in to a foyer and there were three policemen staring at me. The police starting asking me questions. Like where was I going? I just told them the truth; someone had called the police because of his screaming. They asked to search my apartment. I let them in “they were scary to me” told them I was humiliated and just wanting to go get my medicine and go to bed, finally after three policemen went through my apartment they left. I was so afraid they asked me a bunch of questions like I was guilty. Now I’m suffering inside thinking what did I do to deserve this again? he gets mad and leaves for normal arguments for most people, Now I hear his nasty words over and over in my head….. I’m lonely but I need to not love this man any longer… I’m the sick one for not being so mad at him that I don’t love him anymore. I need to move on this time…
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 First, I am going to suggest that you seek out a therapist, as the abuse you have suffered is long term and from the sounds of it traumatic. The fact that you carry his voice inside you of that horrible moment and struggle to move past it is a sign of trauma.
For starters, when your memory surfaces,do not stop at the crisis point in your head...continue the story until you reached a safe place again (the part of the story where he left and you were safe again after the incident).
This is just one of the ways to cope with such a trauma. But you really should be a counselor who specializes in trauma.
As for other advice I could give:
The formula for closure on past relationships:
1-Figure out what you did wrong (chosing the wrong person, etc...)
2-Learn from your mistakes (this is about giving meaning to the end of the relationship)
3-Reach a point where you can TRUST YOURSELF not to make the same mistakes again
That will automatically lead you to be able to:
4-Forgive yourself.
I have written some articles on getting over the ex, and did some media interviews as well. You can study them for free at:
http://www.franktalks.com/break-ups/
I wish you healing.
-Frank
A
male
reader, kayjee  +, writes (20 February 2012):
Just as we know we love someone who we do not even meet, we also know we no longer love some person. It is just that. So get going with this discovery! At your age you need know proof that he has no love you either!! Love is not making use of, it is being useful-unconditionally. You hae been but he was not. He is the looser,not you. so take a deep breath, smile and sleep off!!
You win peace if you do not carry him in the mind anymore.
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A
male
reader, kayjee +, writes (20 February 2012):
Just as we know we love someone who we do not even meet, we also know we no longer love some person. It is just that. So get going with this discovery! At your age you need know proof that he has no love you either!! Love is not making use of, it is being useful-unconditionally. You hae been but he was not. He is the looser,not you. so take a deep breath, smile and sleep off!!
You win peace if you do not carry him in the mind anymore.
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