A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years.For some reason every so often he gives his number to other girls at his work and texts them behind my back,but I found out about the one just recently because I felt suspicious.Anyway,Its his birthday soon and I asked him what he wanted to do,he said he was going to play football straight after work,then go for a drink with the lads at the social club,and I couldn't come.Then I asked if she had asked him out for a drink for his birthday,and he said he asked her to come to the social club.I asked if I could come,but he said I couldnt get there because I don't drive,so I asked does she drive and he said no, she would catch the bus!!! I could have caught a bus just as easily!!I don't understand what is going on, why would he want to spend time with her on his birthday and not want to see me all day??Does anyone have any thoughts? Thanks
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female
reader, Golda  +, writes (20 July 2007):
Do u know the other girl in his life? from ur story i can see that he did not tell u that he would spend the day with any girl, but u asked and he seemed to answer the questions as u keep asking. i am saying this because my guy behaves the same way.
when he is about to go out and i ask him if she wants them to meet at a hotel for instance, he will answer 'yes'. so do u know the trick i played on him? i told him one day that i think he is cheating on the other girl and not me, because the other girl does not know that he has other girlfriends apart from her and that as for me i know so i am not hurt.
he then asked me that i should help him choose from the numerous girlfriends, guess what i told him, i told him that i am thinking about the other guy in my life since that guy dates m alone. u should have seen the shock on his face. so my advise is that, when u ask such questions and he answers u in such manner don't take it to heart, he might just be trying to justify ur fears or suspicions even though your fears might not be true.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Everyone has given you great advice...I'm in favor of never speaking to him again. When you do happen to see him again say, "Hi, sorry, can't talk, got to run I have a date. Oh yeah, I forgot to give you birthday present!!" Then you hold out your right hand and grab his right and shake it saying, "Goodbye and I hope you have a great life." Turn and walk away and keep walking don't turn around, don't give him time to respond. Or you could go to where he is meeting his friends on his birthday and run up to him quickly and say and do exactly the same thing. Then go and take of yourself get some counseling to help you move on. Some colleges over free therapy. 3 years is along time to quit cold turkey without professional support. Not to mention they may be able to help you recognize future losers....When you know better you do better. I hope you keep us posted
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 He's obviously still playing the field and clearly acting like he's still single, unattached, and interested in seeing other women. Unless you want to continue "sharing" him with other women, you need to pack your bags and get away from him now. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 He's a player. Time to move on and get what you deserve. A "real man".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Hi Dear
I think you deserve someone much better. This may sounds hard, because you think you love him, but don't worry - a horried end is much better than horror without an end - if you know what I mean. If he will carry on to threat you like this, you will be hurt more and more. If you break off it will hurt for a few weeks or month maybe, but once you found someone much better, you will feel much, much better.
So even if this sounds hard, I would tell him very clearly that this is cheating and if he treats you like this, he will not only celebrate his birthday without you, but also be without you for the rest of his life!
Take care of you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Time to move on, honey. He sounds like a perfect ass so don't look back. You'll be just fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Love.
I think your dating an (im trying to find a nice word) idiot!
com on your his girl he has just given you a load of old crap... And my advise to you is dont sit there and take it, If you do sweetheart he will play this game over and over again use you when he sees fit and hurt you when he feels something better comes along....
GET RID! I no you are thinking thats not as easy as it sounds, Im sure you are worth way more than this, and there are probably tons of decent men out there who would love a nice girl like you and treat you with the respect you deserve.... babes dont be a doormat he isnt worth your upset and misery, get a bunch of mates together and have some fun of your own, you sure could do with a good mate at the mo, And by the sounds of things he is just a player, Wants his cake and eat it! YOUR WORTH MORE MUCH MORE... YOU TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): First of all, you have already wasted 3 years of your precious young life on this self-absorbed narcisstic ass. He thinks he can keep you at home and also go out when and with whom he wants, and you will not say a word, and you know what? He's right! because you allow it.
Why are you taking this kind of treatment? Yes, I know you love him, and yes, I know you have been together 3 years. However, if you don't get some self-respect and a backbone, it will be 5 years, then 10.. etc. Trust me, I am 41 and know what I am talking about.
Honey, you were a whole woman before you met him, and he is stripping you of your very self. Kick his ass to the curb, or grab your things and the next bus yourself, and find a man who will put YOU first, come pick YOU up, and dote on you. After 3 years being his servant, you deserve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): I would say this is not a very subtle hint and you should withdraw and preserve your dignity. He isn't worth your time, he hasn't even got the courage to tell you that your relationship is over. Which it is, and this should be especially true from your point of view. What kind of behaviour do you think is acceptable for you? Surely better than this. Do you know anyone in a good, mature relationship who accepts this kind of rubbish. So why should someone as great as you? He is being immature, cowardly and rude. Perhaps you should get yourself a date with someone and tell him you are busy if he asks, which he won't. Don't bother with him, don't even text. If he asks why tell him he is not good enough, perhaps a bit small in the trouser department. Sorry, I am being immature now...but at least I may have made you smile. You won't change his mind. If you beg or persist you will seem desperate. Strong women are much more intriguing. If you are strong, he may sniff around again, but even if he does don't have him back. Be tough, demand the best for yourself, or nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): I am tempted to say to you to turn up anyway - take a friend with you - and give him a birthday surprise. 3 years is a long time and a lot of emotional investment. If he doesn't want to be with you any more he needs to say and not sneak around.
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