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female
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*ragic
writes: Dear cupid, iI have been with the man i love for two years now . Hes been a good friend for 12 years . he plans on marring me . But the fact remains is i don't want to married to tell you the truth im not so sure i want to be with him anymore . He make me feel weird and theres a list of stuff wrong in our relationship . that i just don't know what to do like he wants sex all the time he makes me feel like thats the only thing he wants like im not a person with feelings . hes always looking at porn and that makes me feel low cause i know im not pretty but i didn't think i was that bad . we can't talk about anything serious . i love him but i am getting more and more depressed as the days go by . i want to go but i don't want to hurt him and ruin the friendship we have . as friends hes the best but as a lover hes not so goood cause its all about him and what he wants . How do i leave him but keep the friend ???
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Great advice from the other aunts on this page! I will reiterate. Your instincts are on high alert and you are listening. They are trying to tell you something..to protect yourself. If I were you, I wouldn't marry him! Unless he does some serious work on himself, first. In fact, I would risk going it alone and be emotionally happy, than being in a relationship with a partner who makes me feel this low, sad and depressed. You need to be in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. One has to uphold themself to a better standard when selecting a life mate. You need to carefully choose a potential life partner who makes you feel valued and respected. Stop and think about what this relationship is doing to 'you'. You could give him the chance to change but he must take pro-active, positive steps to show. If you do this-set a time frame. And remember, we don't listen to him say nice words and empty promises-we go by his behaviours. Lay it on the line..if he can't be bothered, then walk away. So take a deep breath, sit him down and talk honestly, openly and firmly to him in a calm, mature manner. If he wants this relationship to work..he will listen and respect what you have to say. If you think he won't change -just end it. Don't get confused, weak or misguided over this decision..this is 'your' future we are talking about. Loving yourself is all about knowing what the best thing to do for yourself is. As for friendship..I recommend you not do this. Make a clean break and go ahead into your future. He likely will be wounded but this is life. But having him in the background could hinder your emotional healing from him. And who needs that kind of baggage haunting us for years to come. It's not fair to you or anyone else coming into your life, down the road.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (7 February 2006):
 Hi Tragic, well this is a familiar tale for so many women, it would appear that you have just grown apart, this has been helped along by your different sexual needs, he is "topping up" with porn, the porn has nothing to do with how you look, men just seem to like looking at it and on the whole women prefer the intamacy of there bloke.
Your gut instinct is right, do`nt marry him as it is obviouse that you are staying together out of habit, so you either continue this habit or you sort out your life and start a new one on your own, yes this is a scarrey step but you car`nt put right what is this wrong, go with your gut instinct that says the end has come. Tell him you feel they have no future and that it would be better to part as friends as you still love the freindship side of your relationship, you just no longer like the physical.
Be strong, soul search and do what your gut instinct tells you to do, it will be right.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (7 February 2006):
 I think you have answered your question already,you dont want to marry him because you have doubts about him which is understandable.If you are getting more and more depressed then its pretty obvious that this man of yours is making you terribly unhappy,so why stay with him? I think it is time that you should leave him and get your life back together again.As for keeping him as a friend...well that could be tricky...he might not want that and then he will try to get you back again,personally i would make a clean break.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): i think the best thing to do is just be honest with him. Just tell him exactly what you have written that he's was a great friend before you got together, and that u miss what you had back then. has he actually asked you to marry him? if not, i would definatley tell him you dont want to be together before he does as that will make it more difficult. Also, if you do speak to him about the way you feel you may change your mind and want to be with him. tell him about the sex, and remind him that you have feelings. i'm sure it will be fine, kel :)
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