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He wants to leave me for his male friend!!! How do I deal with this?

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

On Saturday a good friend of mine told me she'd seen my husband in a restaurant with my best friend's husband - and that what she saw was disgusting.

She said she'd seen the two of them in a restaurant having a romantic meal and overheard them saying "Let's leave our boring wives and get a place together! They can't stop us anyway!!" and then she said she'd seen them kissing.

She showed me the photos and I was disgusted.

The next day I confronted my husband, but he denied it, so I showed him the photos and he confessed to it.

I tried to work through it with him, but he said he's leaving me for him.

I feel sick, disgusted and upset and don't know what to do next.

I also have a four-year-old son as well to think about.

how should I deal with the situation??

please help me, Andrea

View related questions: best friend, friend's husband, kissing

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

No he doesn't. He took early retirement to sit on his lottery winnings and count the interest as it mounts up

(:o)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

You may feel extremely angry with him but the hardest thing to do will be helping him with his relationship with his son. However much you can't forgive what he has done to you, your son needs his Dad and please don't use him as a pawn to get your revenge. It probably sounds like asking you to swallow a hedgehog right now, but you need to consider this from the start.

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2007):

Fairy_Lu agony auntLet him go its the only thing you can do he has been living a lie hiding his sexuality and now its time for him to be true to his self, i know this is going to be hard and take a long time to come to terms with but now you can move on and live your life and maybe find someone who can love you completely. In time you may be able to be friends but for now make a clean break and let both of you come to terms with what has happened.

Get yourself checked for STI's because you dont know how long this has been going on and when your ready sort out a lawyer and get divorced

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

I'd get shot of him and smartish. He's obviously a bisexual but didn't have the decency to tell you before you married him.

If I were you I wouldn't want him anywhere near me if he's been up some other guy's backside. Why would you want to work it through with him?

You need also to have a word with your best friend and let her know what's going on between your husbands - and show her the photo as well, otherwise she might not believe it.

Have yourself - and your friend - checked out for Aids, because you never know if this 'relationship' of theirs has been totally exclusive in the past.

Also, get a lawyer and get a divorce.

Phil

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2007):

hello1 agony auntThank your lucky stars you found out NOW and not twenty years down the line where you wasted half your life with this man. Move on and find an straight man

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A female reader, JFC United States +, writes (11 December 2007):

Wow! I am so sorry that you have to face this reality, but "nothing is impossible with GOD! I have given your life to Christ because it's going to take a miracle from the Lord to heal your husband, you and your marriage. The enemy is trying so hard to destroy covenant marriages and families and what is happening to your husband is the result of demonic spirits that are taking control. I really can't go any further until you tell me where you are spiritually. If you want to fight this thing than please do it with GOD, he is the only one who can fix this. Ask the Lord to heal your husband. I am picking up that you and your husband have had a rough time during the marriage and that you have communication issues as well. Eventhough your married to him neither of you have been happy for a long time, just holding on. You both need to give your lives to Christ and take all of this to the Lord. If anybody can do it, HE CAN!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

do you want the lies the drama the betrayel the desease out there or be a strong self respect you

you may lose your love but gain more dignaty and that is stronger than settling for forgiveness which in this case forgiveness is another word for sucker

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A female reader, adel06 United States +, writes (11 December 2007):

do you want the lies the drama the betrayel the desease out there or be a strong self respect you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

I think the best way is to let your husband go because with him being that way will harmfully influence your child. He is not worth to hang onto. He will never return to that normal life of having a heterosexual relationship with you, and you are disgusted with him, so it's better for everyone that he should leave.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (11 December 2007):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntGet tested for STD's. Try and let him go. I know it sucks, but at least he finally admitted to it/was finally caught. Many wives don't know about it until it's too late and they get STD's, etc.

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