A
female
age
51-59,
*bert14
writes:My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year now. We both tell each other we love each other. In public he is very affectionate and treats me very well. We've both met each other's families, etc. All of his military friends and car-club friends love me. The problem is we work together (and always have) and his friends at work don't like me. Work is the only place he insists on keeping us a secret. I know his friends talk trash about me and he doesn't defend me.There are no rules about dating co-workers, but he says "just a little longer" when I ask him when we can "come out at work". At work he spends his days with his friends and kind of ignores me - not that I'm clingy at all. Then, at night, he sure is quick to hop into my bed, where he treats me like a queen. Am I screwed up to be upset that he wants to keep me a secret from his friends at work? I want someone who is proud of me (and trust me, I'm no slouch to look at). Help!
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (28 August 2010):
well if you are no slouch? then stop allowing him in hiding you and disrespecting you. no it is not right but you allow it. think of it this way if you ask a child if they want a ice cream they are going to say yes right! well you are putting it out there w/ no regards for yourself, stand up for you don't let him treat you that way. so tell him we either come out of the closet about us or we are no'more and mean it because i wouldn't be w/ a man like that who can hang out w/ the same people that you do at work and not tell them, but yet who is so eagar to jump your bones at night when the day is done because that is what he is doing! stop being his door matt.
Best Wishes!
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (28 August 2010):
 What would be the reason that his friends at your work are not friends with you? How could a whole group of co workers not like you?
The only way I can see that happening is if he himself is talking trash about you behind your back, and not calling you his girlfriend to those people makes him feel like he has supporters against you, and it leaves the door open for other women to come into his life.
I think this is telling, but I could be wrong about that because I don't know these people or your boyfriend, but it sure sounds to me like he isn't all that committed to you or your relationship. Why wouldn't he gleefully jump into your bed and treat you fine there, no one has to know except you and the walls.
This is a guy who has a very compartmentalized life, could be a sign he's not all that emotionally available to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): nope you're perfectly right in feeling this way, he's being a wuss. He should tell them that you two are dating and be done with it. and if they don't like tough. you should defintely put your foot down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): If his friends dont like you, then thats their problem. Your boyfriend shouldnt be friends with these people if hes embarrased to tell them that hes dating you. Its disrespectful to you.
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