A
female
age
30-35,
*omedaysoon
writes:There's a guy that goes to college with me. he's 25 and i'm about to be 19. we get on really well, and have this flirty manner towards each other. i asked him out back in january not knowing he'd just broke up with his 5 year long gf.he told me we should just be friends as he was enjoying the single life again, and even though i think it's fair enough... cant help wanting more!however he keeps leading me on and flirting with me. today, last day of the term, as i'm flying back home, i went to say goodbye and he hugged me and told me "see you in 2 weeks time. be a good girl."what does it mean??am i trying to squeeze out a meaning out of a meaningless phrase or is there something there?also... any tips on getting him to think of me as more than a friend?i'm so puzzled. HELP!
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female
reader, somedaysoon +, writes (8 April 2008):
somedaysoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot. i know what i have to do now. it's gonna be hard though. but thanks!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): My guess is that he wants you as a friend, but he doesn't want you (possibly he just doesn't want anyone right now) as a GF. But now he's casually testing the waters to see if he can turn you into a friends-with-benefits.
Sleep with him if you want, but don't expect to sleep with him now and eventually get an exclusive relationship out of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Hi,
Definitely pull your attention from him and place it on other men--who are available.
He is not available. He is in rebound mode. 5-years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone you loved. How do you think you would feel if you loved someone and had them in your life for 5 years and then it ended? You doubtfully would be ready to date someone else.
Also, not to be judgmental, but he may love that a 19 year old great young woman likes him. He needs the strokes right now, and perhaps he is just using his time with you to get over his past and feel better. He may be seeking to feel better from entertaining the idea of a flirtation with you. Does he genuinely like you? If he is a non-player, sure probably. But nonetheless, he is unavailable to you. He’s not giving you want you want. So he has to go. Honestly, he is offering nothing.
Friendship with a guy we like and can’t have is total torture. It’s Horrible. I made that mistake and I am still recovering. It’s hard because my “friend” is a great guy, but no matter because he does not want to be with me or he would be. He also got out of a 5-year relationship about 8 months ago and he has conveyed some heartfelt emotions for me, but still he is not available by any means. And his unavailability is not my problem; I had to move on, because he was never going to give me what I wanted. And we like each other very much too. So don’t be friends with this guy if that means you’re going to be pining over him. You’ve got to self-protect by not attaching to someone who is unavailable.
As a rule--Always go from the standpoint that if a guy really wants to be with you, or thinks you’re the stuff etc., he’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. Ask any guy who feels strongly about a girl. That’s his standpoint.
So focus on your own fun and dating men who are available. Date. If this guy is ever interested in really dating you like you deserve to be dated? Maybe consider him at that point. And you do not have to make that happen or convince him. He’ll come pursue you. Until then, don’t develop feelings for this unavailable guy. I don’t care how tempted you are. You will truly regret it later on. Because you will get hurt-maybe deeply. He'll let you know if he’s ever serious about seeing you. If he doesn’t offer you –right now--what you deserve as a woman and the full relationship opportunity via, calling regularly, dating regularly, great communication, commitment etc. He is a definite NO GO! He isn’t offering you ANYTHING—but an acquaintance/friendship at best. And guess what? You deserve more—a real relationship. Don’t compromise what you deserve for nothing.
Don’t fixate on someone that has no intention of giving you what you really want. You want a shot with this guy. And guess what, he’s not giving you that chance, because he doesn’t want to. If he was? You wouldn’t be writing a letter to begin with.
Enjoy your Vacation and forget about the 25 year old. He’s not there with you on your trip, so enjoy the opportunities that are instead. Good Luck Girl. Hope this was helpful.
Ultimately, when you second-guess your self by hoping for what is not really available, you have to use the bottom line logic/rules about dating guys I just discussed.
There is definitely a guy probably in your presence right now that would love to be with you and who you would like even more then this 25-year-old guy. Believe that. Look around. Pay attention to all those other guys that are available.
Also, please check out the book “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Berhandt if you haven’t heard of it already and let this book be your guideline for checking every guy out by these dating standards. It rocks in terms of telling a woman straight up if a guy isn’t doing ___, he’s got to go. A guy wrote it and it is as honest as it gets—also it’s really easy reading. Short chapters. Etc. I read it before I go on every date to remind me of how it should be with a guy, so I don’t get sucked up in a fantasy, because it’s easy to when you like a guy. But we have to be careful.
Again, he is not an available man. It doesn’t make him bad, it just makes him a waste of your time beyond that reality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): This guy could be into you .... or just using you to feel better about not having a gf or somthing like that so be careful. It's ok that you like him and want to be more but he may be holding back because of age diffrence too.... ya never know ....
the whole " she you in two weeks... be a good girl"
that means exactly what it says.... us girls tend to try to look depper in the meaning of what guys say and it really doesn't mean anyhting more then what it says. It may mean that he hope to see you again in the near future but thats about all.
try to flirt extra ... and do nice things for him things that show him your willing to go out of your way for him.
I hope this helped some
keep us updated !!!
message me anyitme !
*~VG~*
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