A
female
age
30-35,
*ounglove
writes:My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 2 yrs..we have talked about sex...i told him i want to wait until i am married...he said that he will wait with me then...but i can tell he wants to but i am only 16 and i don't. I want my first time to be with my husband. Does it make me a bad gf because i don't want to have sex with him? Do i have the right to say i don't want to?...y should the fact that i don't want to be more impostant then the fact he does want to?What if he dumps me because of this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (6 August 2008):
Would you like to hear what a male guy person of the masculine sex thinks of girls like you?
You are NOT ready for sex with this guy - probably not with any guy.
Oh sure, you two could go through the mechanics of a biological coupling but the "sex" wouldn't be much better - and, in all likelihood, worse - than the "sex" you can have with the handle on your hairbrush, or by humping a firm throw-pillow, or using the hand-held shower massager in the right place.
Negotiation and compromise are important elements in relationships. So are sacrifice, respect, and deferral to the other person.
You are not obligated to satisfy your partner's every sexual whim, and most certainly not obligated to do so outside of marriage. What teens often don't appreciate is that they don't need any reason other than "I don't want to.". If your values, beliefs, or ethics are part of your reason, don't be afraid to say so. If he belittles your values or beliefs, or doesn't respect your right to hold them, you can be sure he has more serious problems than simple selfishness!
Yes, after a lot of "I don't want to.", your partner may decide he doesn't want you. That raises the question of whether he actually wanted you in the first place.
I think it's admirable that you want your first time to be with your husband. My wife and I exchanged virginity - I gave her mine, and got hers in return - on our wedding night. We were both 23 at that time. That was a goal we agreed to - BOTH agreed to - early in our dating. And we BOTH had to work at reaching that goal. In the end our first intercourse was perhaps the lousiest sex in 34 years of marriage - and one of the most significant and meaningful events in our lives.
A
female
reader, thats_not_my_name  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 hey! of course you are not a bad gf for not wanted to lose your virginity! you definetly have the right to say you don't want to, this boy doesn't own you! some of the young girls on here should follow your example, it's very sensible to want to wait until you are married or at least until you are sure it is with the right guy! (and of a legal age of course!) you clearly care about your bf's feelings a lot to worry about this so much, which proves further what a good gf you are! just explain your decision to him in a mature way, assure him that you care for him a lot, but that you don't feel comfortable about losing your virginity just yet. by saying he'll wait too, it shows that he respects your decision, so hopefully he'll continue to feel this way. however, if he starts to blackmail you or try to manipulate or even force you in any way DUMP HIM and find a boy who respects you. and if he dumps you over this, then he wasn't worth it and you deserve better! i hope everything works out and that my advice was vaguely helpful! message me anytime if you want to talk xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): if your bf dumps u because u dont want to have sex with him, then just wait it out just be the best gf u could be. If u love him and he loves u as well then he wont leave you. But if he does at least u know thats all he really wanted from you. I went thourgh the same thing with my bf and im 16 to. i just let him know how i felt and were still together right now today. I'm sure i love him and yes i'm sure he loves me. so just tell him excatly what you how you feel and he should understand. Good luck!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Honey, if he loves you, he'll wait. 16 is very young to be having sex; it's a huge step and you need to be mentally prepared. The fact that your asking advice means you NOT ready. He must respect your wishes, besides there are other ways to ger relief, if you know what I mean. :)
Don't do it if you're not sure. You will be sorry.
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