A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is in the Navy and i'm a sophomore in college that is pre-dental...he really wants to have a baby before he gets deployed and I do want to have children with him but I want to graduate first. He's afraid that he might not have another chance to have children and family is very important to him...how can I talk to him about this without pushing him away?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 December 2008):
The poor guy is terrified.
Terrified that he might die or be injured so he will never have chance to pass on his genes.
He's also terrified that you are not going to wait for him and will find someone else.
A baby will allow him to be a dad and also keep you with him.
Don't let him push you into it. Fear is not a good reason to start a family. Reassure him that you and he will have all the time in the world to get married and have a family when he gets home.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (2 December 2008):
 You're not married to him, and even if you were, having a child needs to be your choice as well. You are absolutely right to want to finish your school before having kids.
I'd put it to him this way: he wants to have a baby before he leaves because he's afraid he won't have another chance. Meaning what? He won't come back? Well. Suppose that happens and you two have the baby and, indeed, he doesn't make it home. That would be tragic, doubly so because on one hand you've lost him and on the other, now you have a baby to raise with no father in its life as a role model for the child and to help support you financially. Since being pregnant and raising a baby, of course, would probably have put a major roadblock in your college ambitions. What then?
Explain to him that you want to have the training for a career first so that you can help support your children if need be. And put your foot down on this one, if you have to. It's never going to be any easier for you to finish school than it is now. If you put academics on hold and start a family now, the responsibilities that go with that WILL be obstacles to you.
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