A
female
age
30-35,
*londieee5199
writes:My situation is a long story but I'll try to keep it as short and sweet as possible. I was dating my boyfriend since my junior year in high school. We are crazy about each other and we fell so in love! There was a period in our relationship when we had to break up because of a situation with my family, but eight months later in our senior year got back together, and fell even more in love. That summer, I had to move a few states away to attend college. I didn't want to leave him, but he said he wanted me to go because he wanted me to have a good education and that we would still stay together. So we have been in a long distance relationship for about eight months now. We knew it was going to be hard, but we put all we had into it and everything was going well at first. I would make trips to see him during my college breaks, and during one visit in October he even asked me to marry him. He said he was sure I was the one and didn't want to wait to ask any longer. I started looking at colleges I could afford close to him so I could transfer next year and we wouldn't have to be apart anymore. Everything was so perfect, but then everything seemed to go south when he started acting irritated and impatient with almost everything. We got into more fights than usual, and he would always say during every fight that everything was my fault because I had chosen to go to school far away and leave him. About a month ago he called me and said he couldn't take the long distance anymore, that it was too much for him, that he felt like he had changed and needed some time to work on himself. I was devastated! I cried and begged him to change his mind, but it was no use. We didn't talk for about two weeks after that, during which time I was a total mess. He suddenly called me one evening and as soon as I picked up he started bawling like a baby. I have never heard him cry like that. He said he felt like he had made a huge mistake, that he had been so miserable the past few weeks without me, and even went on to explain that he had tried to date another woman, but he realized he was only trying to get with her to get over me, and he really didn't have feelings for her. He said he wanted me and loved me so much, but he felt like he couldn't have me because I lived so far away and he didn't know for sure if I was coming back. After a long heart to heart talk, we both agreed that we should take things slow and start repairing our relationship. We talked normally for a few days, and then he randomly declared one night that we shouldn't be talking to each other because he felt like he was giving me "false hope" and that all he wanted was to have some time to himself and no serious relationship. Talk about a whiplash. I felt my heart break all over again, but this time I just let him have what he wanted. We only talk now a few times a week, only when he contacts me, and every time we do he is always curious about what I have been up to, asking what I have been doing, who I have been hanging out with, if I have been going to any crazy parties and things like that. He tries to make me jealous too by saying that his friends have been trying to hook him up with other girls, but I know he is only doing it to see what kind of reaction he gets. I know him well enough by now. But I am really confused as to what I should be doing now. I leave him alone, only talk to him when he talks to me, and focus on my school but I still love him and want him back so much. He means the world to me, and I feel like he still loves me as much as I love him, but he isn't admitting it to himself right now. I am planning on going back there soon to visit some family, and we might get to see each other, but I just want to know what could be going on in his mind, if I should talk to him more or at least show I still care a little bit more. He has been so back and forth, and I know he wants to be with me, but he needs to admit it to himself first. Is there anything I can do to make him see that besides what I am already doing? Thank you so much for your time!
View related questions:
got back together, jealous, long distance, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
 “he tried to date another woman” oh sweetie do you not realize he broke up with you so he could date her and not lie to you that he was cheating on you. Possibly he told her that he was in an LDR and she refused to date him till he ended it with you
So he dated her and it didn’t work out and now he’s crawling back…
Don't be back and forth.... go enjoy college and be open to meeting new people and new relationships.
Put him on hold. LDRs are hard enough for adults with money and time... nearly impossible for teens and college students.
Personally I would tell him you two need a serious break and to go no contact till the semester is over.
are you going home for summer? will you be able to see him then.
I'm sensing that there are others that have his interest but he wants to keep you on a string in case it doesn't work out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Now is the time to focus on your studies. College is your last chance to have fun and learn about yourself before you take on all of the responsibilities of adult life. If you do not start putting yourself first now, you are going to realize too late that you should have.
Do not make the same mistake I did. He doesn't love you like you love him. He doesn't want to put in the effort to be with you, but he doesn't want to see you with anyone else either. He is making you miserable and behaving like a spoiled child. Do you really want to marry a spoiled controlling child?
...............................
|
