A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Ive known a man for the past 6 yrs, we lived together for three years. the fourth yr we broke up. he was talking about marriage but never really asked me. then one day a new female came to work at is work place. slowly things changed between us. eventually i asked him to leave. two yrs ago we started seeing each other again . things seem to be going well between us. He doesn't work with this female anymore he has a different job. my problem is now he wants to be friends with her , and he doesn't take my feeling into account. I feel she was the reason we broke up and to have her in the picture doesn't sit right with me. I feel he shouldn't put me thought this, and she knows about me she should know better. I really feel like just walking away and now looking back. I am a widow i experience depression. The last break up almost killed me . I dont want to go through that again. Is it right for him to have this female so called friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): It's female anon, OP.Yes, you are absolutely correct in everything you say! I am glad you are standing your ground here.You went through the most difficult thing of all. A death! That would near cripple you as a human being. Coming back from that sort of deep, dark sadness would be hard for anyone. I am curious. Did you start seeing this clown as a rebound to that unhappiness and emptiness after your husband passed away? Were you hoping he would take the pain away? Were you trying to escape from the depth of your sadness by focusing on a new, feel good, all encompassing romance? That would be perfectly normal. Nobody likes to feel pain and emptiness. The problem is you chose the wrong guy. In your desperate attempt to flee the pain, you latched onto a pig who thought he could use you and manipulate you into being a puppet for his sexual desires. And he liked it that way because he wanted you desperate, weak and hanging on while he went out and sampled other goods. He liked having you there waiting just in case the others did not work out. And most likely, they wouldn't. He was just having a bit of fun but he felt good knowing you were there waiting for him no matter what. Well, you know what? The guy was damned wrong. Now show him exactly how wrong he was! Cut him loose! Trust me, he will see who is boss. Then do not ever contact him again. And do not ever allow him to contact you, giving you some bull shit sob story. These guys are master manipulators. They want everything their way. If one of their toys breaks, they will whine. Why? Because they want it ALL!!! They come in all AGES!!! Old players were once young players. They get older but NEVER GROW UP!! In the process of him having everything he wants, he is leaving you with NOTHING. Your needs are going unmet, your self esteem is plummeting into the toilet. You feel like you are not enough and not good enough. Well, no man should ever make a woman feel this way. We are in relationships to feel LOVED, WANTED, SPECIAL, to be the ONLY ONE!!! This guy is defective. Any time you feel disrespected and cast aside, you know that this person does not see your WORTH. Put him back on his shelf. As I said, some other woman who buys him is going to soon discover the very same thing!I am sorry you are going through this. All women have a fantasy. It's the happy ending. It's finding a good guy. It's feeling special and on a pedestal. But reality hits hard as there are so many jerks out there ready, willing and able to take advantage of a woman's DREAMS, EMOTIONS and HEART. They know what they are doing. That is why sometimes you wish you had no feelings. But never change because of him. Be who you are. Someday a man who appreciates you will come along. In the meantime, it is better to be alone than to be treated this way. You are stronger than you think. Try to fill in the gaps with things you love to do. Pamper yourself. Discover yourself again. You are worth it! It is amazing what you can discover about yourself in the silence.Never blame yourself.The only thing you did wrong was give a heartless, selfish, manipulating, man whore a chance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie
first the reason it was so hard was because i am a widow and when this happen I felt like i was experiencing another death. every difficult time i had all my life came flooding back. The female involved was not longer in the picture I thought. I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. but i do think the anonymous writer who responded said it well in her first sentence
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto cmmp
I am not controlling! So dont blame me for all this. If he really cared about me he would stop the friendship with the woman. and if she was a real woman she would step away not continue the friendship with him.Knowing the situation.She would do as i have. walked away. He and i had a conversation we both expressed our feelings about the situation. If he cares for me as he says then he would include me in the friendship. If truly they are JUST FRIENDS! Not leaving me to let my mind thinking the worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017): The clown you've been seeing is a dick! Who needs to grow some balls and be a real man!
Real men do not treat their girlfriends like shit. For their own selfish gain.
He does not care about you. He never did.
You will never trust him. Why? Because he isn't worthy of your trust. He will never change. He will always be out chasing new skirts.
Time to let go for good.
Let her have him. It won't be long before he gets bored of her too!
Have pity on her!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 June 2017):
If he has proven faithful then there's no reason not to trust him. Having a friend of the opposite sex is nothing inappropriate in itself. You blame a lot on him, but the reality is that if you weren't making a big deal about it he wouldn't be doing anything wrong, and that you're being controlling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2017):
 I think the question is less about "that female" and more about HIM and HIS attitude. See SHE didn't show up and change things per se. HE changed the dynamics in YOUR relationship OVER her. She didn't "MAKE" him do that - he did that ALL on his own because HIS priority is HIMSELF and what HE wants.
He knows full well that you will not like that and that you are NOT OK with it, but I also think that he KNOWS he thinks he can get away with this friendship and he will use any and all kind of manipulation schemes including "you are trying to control me blah blah".
While I don't agree that a partner can demand a partner/spouse to drop people because THEY don't like them - I think it's a PARTNERS obligation to take into consideration how XX person affects the relationship and adjust if need be. AS IN - he should KNOW better. (and I think he does he just doesn't give a flying fart).
You two have a relationship that is on/off so basically NOT that stable, maybe that is why he wants a spare? (as in HER).
If the last breakup was so hard to you, WHY go back to a guy who broke your heart ONCE already? there ARE other men out there.
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