A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a year ago and recently, in September, we began to hang out and we became "close" like intimate. I liked him and I still do. The problem is that he has a girlfriend now. For about two months, we fell off because of a conflict between us. we began to talk again and now I'm starting to feel the same way I felt when we began to hangout the first time. He came to visit and afterwards I get a text from him saying that he would like to be faithful to his girlfriend so we shouldn't talk, which is understandable. My question is this: How do I get him to listen to me (because right now he won't) about how I feel? How do I tell him the truth about my feeling without sounding weird or pushing him more apart from me? Is this a good idea?
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2013):
 If he is still contacting you, you can tell him but do you really think it will make you feel better or just create a whole new mess.
Let me point out that by contacting you, he is in a way disrespecting his GF, unless she is aware of it and is ok with it. IF He is not telling her he's in contact with you, then he lies through omission. Not a very nice or trustworthy thing to do.
I doubt telling him would make you feel better. I think it would just stir up more feelings you have that will be unresolved.
My advice (not that it's easy mind you) is to cut all contact with him. Block his number, block his email, block him on social media.
If you do tell him, and he leaves the current GF for you, will you ever trust him when you see him texting and he does not tell you who it is... will you trust him when he's out with his friends and you can't reach him... will you believe he's with the guys?
Be careful what you wish for...
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 If he is still contacting you then you should tell him that if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore then he should stop it! Tell him it's messing with your head and you want to move on if he is with this new girl. Sounds like he's playing you a little bit. Telling him anything will not make this any better. If you are hoping for something romantic then I'm afraid that only happens in the movies and he will most likely end up hurting you even more when you tell him how you feel or making you feel embarrassed. Find a guy who isn't attached and tell him how you feel :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers guys.! I would like to make one more thing clear though, he still texts me. Also, before he sent me that one text we had a talk about our relationship, he was willing to listen but only to certain things. What do I do? Ignore the texts or continue to text him back? I'm not trying to be in a relationship with him or anything of the sort, I just have some things I would like to tell him so my chest wouldn't feel as heavy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses guys.! Let me just be clear on one thing. When we talk, it's not because I text or call him first, he's always the first to do so. The last time I talked to him, he did say that it was best if we don't talk but he also still texts me and suggests we hang out. He knows that I like him so why is he so back and forth with wanting to talk to me but texts me still?
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (14 January 2013):
 No it's not a good idea to tell him how you feel. He has a girlfriend and he's committed to her. He's not available. Telling him your feelings won't make him available because he's already made his decision. You'll end up feeling embarrassed and rejected.
Whatever the conflict was about, it sounds like it was enough to make him draw a line in the sand and move on.
Walk away with your dignity intact and stop contacting him. You'll move on faster than you think, but you have to accept it's over. Leave them to it. All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
He is wise. He has a girlfriend and wants no contact with you because of this.
It would be mature and respectful of you to hear what he is saying and know that you made a nice choice in a man but that he's off limits now due to his choice to be with another girl and NOT RISK doing something he will regret by listening to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): You had your chance to be with him but it didn't happen because it obviously wasn't meant to be. I think you should move on and find a single guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Leave him alone, he knows where to find you if he's interested. You will just make yourself look desperate and maybe even pathetic if you try to have a heart to heart with this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (14 January 2013):
 In my opinion, you don't tell him. He wants to be faithful to his girlfriend, and he SHOULD be faithful to his girlfriend.
If he were yours, you would not want another girl pouring her heart out to him - you would also want him to be faithful to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (14 January 2013):
Here's the answer: You don't. You back off. This man has told you himself that he doesn't feel he should talk to you because he wants to stay faithful to his girlfriend and I think that is downright refreshing! He has moved on and hasn't responded to you the way you would want him to which tells you one thing hun: move on. Find a man who isn't in a relationship. You're young and as cheesy as it sounds its true: there are plenty of fish in the sea. Get out there! You are far too young to be stealing other peoples boyfriends, imagine how you would feel in his girlfriends shoes? Knowing that another girl was thinking up ways of trying to take her man away. He's with her for a reason and he wants to stay faithful to her for a reason so I'm afraid to say your time with him has passed. It may come back in the future. If its meant to be its meant to be. But until that time you should get on and live your own life and leave him alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (14 January 2013):
If he wont listen to what you have to say it means he does not want to know what you have to say. Leave well alone as it would be to hurtful to be rejected. If he wants you he knows where to find you. Time will sort all out. Best Wishes Nora B.
...............................
|
