A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Backstory:Moved to university last September with my ex, we split a few weeks later. Not long after met Q (obviously not his real name) and we started flirting but then I found out that he was sorta seeing one of my best friends. He told her he didn't want a relationship but didn't stop being very handsy and flirty. One drunken night myself and Q shared a few kisses and obviously said best friend was hurt although we've made up now. On that drunken night he said he really liked me. I told him to tell me this sober and then when we were sober we started seeing each other, meeting for drinks etc. Literally from pretty much our first conversation we were constantly texting. Another drunken occasion he said he had a question to ask me the next day but then said he wanted to wait til New Years. On New Years he asked me out and I said yes. Things were great until about midway through February. We started arguing about things a fair bit, always making up after we'd talked things through.Where we are now:Last Thursday he met up with me and said he needed a bit of space away from me. (I honestly can't remember exactly what was said, it all happened in an emotional blur). He felt that we weren't working because of the relationship title putting too much pressure on us and he wanted to work on the friendship. Also that he wanted me to be with someone who will actually make me happy. BUT when asked, he said he still loves me. He said he'd been panicking about meeting my mum on the saturday and that he had to do it before then. Also he mentioned that this had been on his mind since around February after we'd argued and he said that his friends suggested we have a "break" but I said I wouldn't be up for a "break" because they don't work. Yet when we had met up things were fine and he seemed happy. I also asked through text later, whether there was any hope for us after we've been apart and he said "can't say, nothings set in stone".Thing is, the reason we'd been arguing so much was largely to do with the fact that I felt like I wasn't seeing him enough and that he had no time for me. He's starting some important exams this week and I realise, now, that I'd put a lot of unnecessary pressure on him, especially as he's been really stressed about exams. I realised this after blowing up emotionally through text and after he said "you need to give us space, this isn't helping" I finally consented.Thing is, I don't know whether to move on or not. I spent the first few days crying and not eating.. I was even so worked up I threw up. Now that I can understand his need for space and that I was putting too much pressure on, I'm really sure we could work things out. Things like the fact that he still loves me and that he said nothings set in stone make me wanna hold on.But then if he'd been thinking about it for so long, I guess he'd really thought about it before coming to this decision. The fact that I said we could try and work it out and he said that he didn't think anything would change all make me think that it IS over.At the moment I'm trying to give him space until his exams are over and then I'd like to talk to him and maybe suggesting meeting up so we can find out what we want. But I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not. Help?Thanks.
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best friend, drunk, flirt, his ex, move on, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Tell me about it! It's a constant struggle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! Guess I'll just have to stick with it then. It's just tricky being so patient.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 March 2011):
Yeah, talk to him after exams. I tend to agree that breaks don't work. They are just the first step to breaking up for people without the courage to make it official. Sometimes things can get to be too much for someone. I've experienced this recently as well. The best thing you can do is give them some space, and talk to them when they aren't feeling so much pressure.
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