A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are long distance right now and will be until Christmas. We're living at opposite sides of the country. We can see each other a couple of times a month. For the in-between time, he wants us to try phone sex. I find the whole idea awkward and cringey and have said no over and over again. Now it's getting to be a problem and I'd love some advice.I was masturbating this evening because my family is away and I could have some quiet time with no threat of anyone walking in. And my phone rang, and it was my boyfriend...and I didn't want to answer it because I'd have to tell him what I was doing. But I did anyway, and he was really upset that I didn't want to carry on with him on the phone. I tried explaining to him that masturbating like that is not really a sexy thing for me, it's basically just self care, and me having alone time to de-stress. I felt a little put out at having him invade my space and I didn't want to make it into a performance. I do it in front of him in person all the time, but on the phone is different. Weird thing is, we've actually done it once on the phone when I was drunk and that was pretty fun. But sober? No way. Not my thing. And I can't just get drunk every time, because I drink very rarely.I don't want to "give in" and just humour him. The bigger of a deal this gets, the less I want to do it because there's so much pressure. So how the heck do we get round this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 August 2019):
 Honeypie is correct...You do not owe him anything.
2nd...He is ONLY a boyfriend. He could b
e gone tomorrow, with no investment into your long term future. It is also YOUR body, not his. When you say no, it means no. Let him get pissed off all he wants.
You need to keep in mind something here...You are not married, not living together, and he is already trying to control you. Getting upset at the word NO. Getting upset at what is comfortable for you, and acceptable to you. I strongly suggest you keep your eyes open with this one. I am guy, and these are warning flags even for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2019): OP, why would you feel outdone having your personal space invaded by your man. You said the phone rang and you did not want to answer his call but you did anyway. The fact is that by answering the phone, when you knew that it was him calling, you actually welcomed in to your personal space! Why would you need to tell him that you were masturbating? If he asked what you were doing, could you not say that you were just laying down or sitting down? That would have been truthful without bringing the masturbation drama into the conversation. You said that you masturbate in front of him and you had phone sex drunk once and it was fun. It seems to me that you are making his request about a battle of your will vs him. Relationships are about compromise and it is a long way until Christmas. You can certainly talk suggestively and sexily to guide him thru a masturbation session until he cums. In doing so, you may or may not want to touch your body. If not, you can get off later, thinking of how you made him cum!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 August 2019):
 Just be honest.
There are things you just don't find sexy. Phone sex is one of them.
When my husband was deployed there was a LOT of wives and GF's who made little "homemade solo porn" for their partners, some had "boudoir pictures" done professionally, some phone sex or recordings etc. It just wasn't for me. And my husband was OK with that. Even if he really wanted me to do some too. He RESPECTED my no, not something I want to do.
So no, you don't OWE him this. Maybe instead PLAN something between the two of you for when you DO see each other. Like, Uh I don't know... maybe some massage oils, edible undies, sex toys - something to spice things up. You can e-mail back and forth (instead of talk - might make it less cringy)?
But be honest, with yourself and him. It's OK to have boundaries.
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