A
female
age
51-59,
*red6
writes:I am 40 years old with and have 2 grown children. I have been in a relationship for 6+ years now and was actually proposed to a few months ago. Things have really been going great.... until lately, I have recently become unemployed, to which my fiancee's reaction was to just relax for a while and not jump into something just because, but to find something I really like doing. So, since I've been home I have been killing myself with projects around the house trying not to feel inadequate. My fiancee, recently has this idea that I should be performing oral sex on a daily basis with him. Never my favorite thing anyway, but now it seems even more impersonal. We hardly ever have real sex anymore, and when we do.... its usually all about him. I have really small breasts and have always had somewhat of a complex about that. But especially now... I know my fiancee looks at porn occasionally... but lately its daily... and the women he looks at are usually peforming oral sex and have enormous boobs. In fact most of the sites are "boob" sites. Not to mention these women dont even remotely resemble me... they all have long dark hair. I dont know what to make of this and it has me feeling really horrible. I miss the guy who cared about what I liked too... and didn't look bored in the middle of love making. I need some advice... I feel like this might become a deal breaker... any wisdon at all is appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Visiting the porn sites is an issue of concern especially as he is on them daily, its also the reason why he wants you to perform oral sex. I'm confused as to why you agreed to do this on a daily basis and continue to do so. As you are doing this for him he has no reason to have real sex with you any more as you have already satisfied his needs. He is very selfish and clearly living his fantasies with your assistance but not caring in the least for you.
Forget about the women on the sites, they would only show the biggest boobs and the best bodies as would be expected. The fact that they don't resemble you is not a big issue as fantasies sometimes reflect the opposite of what we have because what we have is so familiar.
Part of the problem is that you play a supportive role in this. If you haven't objected to any of this how is he to know of your concerns and if you have been doing this for a while now he will wonder what the problem is when you bring it up. His selfishness has been supported by your willingness.
Its time for a heart to heart talk. As you express your concerns to him he will tell you its no big deal and that there is nothing to worry about. You need to be firm, stand your ground and make it clear to him that it is of concern to you and that you worry about it because his behaviour to you has changed, because he has moved from making love to having sex, from having sex together to having sex for himself. These are the kind of things you need to say, take the argument away from he's ok about it to your not. Focus, emphasise and repeat all the statements above until your position and concerns are made clear and sink in because he will make light of it and be dismissive. He may even bring in statements like' its been ok with you until now' etc etc. You need to sort this out now because I think your relationship is or will soon be in real trouble.
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