A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering how to feel better about myself when 1 my fiance is saying he won't watch porn by hisself and does when he knows and has known I don't like it.has known from day one. 2 he says he is different but still says every guy in america watches porn. He wants me to stop talking down about myself but I find it harder to do when he continues to do things that make me insecure about myself???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Women worries a lot and have insecurity issues.
Whether he is watching porn, watching other women , flirting
with other women or working with female colleagues, it is
always a issue to the wife or g/f.
The problem lies not in him but in how you can overcome your insecurity problems.
You need to learn to trust him that watching porn is his
visual fantasy and he knows that those women are out of
bounds and unreal.He cannot touch or feel them.
Just like you watch all those handsome and sexy men.
You should on no account compare yourself to those women and as a result feel insecure.
It is like watching those science fiction or futuristic movies. They know it is not real .
Those porn is like an extension of his sexual fantasy.
Without the DVD player or pc ,he could only play it in his mind and not bring it to realism .
Men are like little boys at heart.
He enjoys playing that toy and you want to take it away from him.
You will make him unhappy and you will also feel unhappy.
Unless he has an addiction to that toy , or OCD, then you
should just allow him some freedom to enjoy what he likes.
What if in reverse, he finds that those things that you
liked doing is repulsive even if you did not think so?
By the same token , he would disapprove of what you are doing.
How would you feel then?
In a relationship , it is about compromise , give some and
take some in order to live peacefully and happily.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I don't think every guy in America watches porn, your boyfriend is just disregarding your feelings when he says that to justify what his porn watching does to your relationship.
That said, you should not let this habit of his make you feel bad about yourself like you aren't enough for him. Men are visual creatures and they need visual stimulation to get aroused and get off, so he is just giving into his sexual urges....I do think he has maybe relied on it to masturbate when he didn't have you, but it is now a bad habit that he needs to break....after all, why would he want to watch a bunch of strangers on film, when you are right there in the same room, it is insulting to you tell him, and it makes you feel that he doesn't appreciate you....hint that you will be leaving the relationship to find a boy who wants to play with a real girl, and then leave....don't sit there if you don't want to watch it with him, chose to excercise your freedom and leave him there alone with his porn....if you keep doing that, maybe he will get the clue....if not, seriously, do you want a guy who is addicted to porn? How boring.
...............................
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