A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend emigrated about 4 months ago to Australia and I love him very much. I'm 36 and he wants me to live with him out there but I cannot imagine not living in the UK as there is a great deal about this country that is lovely - although I admit we have many social, economic and environmental problems. I am also scared to not have Mum and Dad within reach and fear that the things that have made me what I am so far will be lost - I'm quite nostalgic I guess. My boyfriend says it is unlikely he will ever want to live back in the UK and I cannot feel that final about it. The trouble is I feel that to give my relationship up would be devastating also. He always wanted to emigrate and I never wanted to prevent him - I've known him 18 months. The trouble is now he wants answers and thinks I am mucking him about. We are starting to argue on the phone. People keep saying to me to take a chance but I feel I will have such loss either way. I hate this ultimatum and wonder if I'm also feeling some resentment at having been put in this situation by him in the first place. I am desperate now as I'm not sleeping or eating properly because of the torment in my head and the indecision - I don't want to live to regret either option but either way think I will hurt people I care about very much. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): No, its not good to feel pressured like this, and you must not allow your boyfriend to force you into making a decision.You have not known him very long - 18 months, but four of those months he has spent in Australia.Do you feel you can talk with your parents about what's going on? I'm sure they would be sad to see you emigrate, but hopefully would want you to be happy, whatever you decide to do.I think the idea of going to Australia for a long visit is a very good one and three months is a reasonable amount of time to begin to get a sense of the place.Many years ago, I dated for three months a man who lived in Australia, and who was working (as many young Australians did) for a couple of years in England. We talked about getting engaged and me going to Melbourne. Never happened.What did happen was that I moved to the U.S., met and married an American......forgot to say I was born and brought up in the U.K. and have strong attachments. I do feel the U.S. is much closer to the U.K. than Australia is, so have always gone back once or twice a year (plus my father and mother visited here once; and my mother came in 1990 for a month). Anyway, I digress.......good luck with your thinking over your situation. Remember to trust what your heart, your basic feelings are telling you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): This is not an easy situation to find yourself in, as I'm sure you're well aware.If you (or he) can afford it, why not have a 3 month 'holiday' over there to see how you feel about the place, and how your parents and other close family react to your absence.Your parents will not be around forever, and life moves on. Perhaps it's selfish, but think only of yourself for the time being, have a good time out there and ask yourself if you could cope with it permanently. 'Dip your toe in the water' so to speak and get a feel for the place.I've been there - it's not all bad, but forget ever seeing snow again, or a pint of beer ( it comes in strange measures called middies and schooners) and get used to the flies,'cause they'll be there long after you've gone!!Phil
...............................
|
