A
female
age
36-40,
*w
writes:My boyfriend and i have recently decided to end things cos he is ready to have kids and i want a career.hes 40 and im 20 but thats the only problem with our age gap that we are wanting different things in life at the moment.apart from that we are so in love and are so lovely together,its so hard,i imagined spendin our lives together,neither of us are goin to change our minds about what we want,should i stick by him and have a career in a few years time? please help!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): I suggest you have to be very carefull not to get emotionally bullied into having children before you are ready.
He is selfish to expect from you to become pregnant and have children because of his age; he enjoyed his life and youth and now he wants to deny you a few more years; that to me is not right;
I suggest you tell him that you will consider it in about 4/5 years time; It will hardly make any difference to him at his age if he becomes a father at 41 or at 45; BUT it will make a big difference to you; becoming a mother at 21 or at 25;
DO NOT have children unless you feel ready for it;
If your boyfriend is not prepared to wait and give you the time to explore your career and enjoy your youth; I suggest you consider leaving him behind;
Forgive me, but I am starting to wonder if this guy has some insecurities and maybe he is scared of loosing you; could it be, that he thinks that if you are pregnant or have his child he will have a stronger hold over you?
PLEASE be very carefull; I am starting to see a few red lights flashing;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
A
female
reader, kw +, writes (12 August 2008):
kw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanku so much for all ur replies.my "boyf" does want me to enjoy life and have a career,hes completely understandin of that but he did say a few weeks ago he wants me to be a mother to his kids.im sure a career will make me happier than having kids when im only half ready...i just dont understand that if he loves me as much as hes says why cant he wait a few years til when im ready,he thinks he will be too old to enjoy time with them then...anymore help will be truly appreciated thanku.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (11 August 2008):
 What about having a baby, returning to work and let him be the one who stays at home with the baby! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Dear Poster
There is not much that I can add; you have received excellent answers from the other "uncles and aunts";
HOWEVER
I just want to suggest you stay level headed and DO NOT allow him to pressure you into a decision; becarefull for emotional "blackmail";
You need to do what is best for YOU;
If he truelly loves you and cares for you, he should value and respect your wishes;
You are young and have plenty time to have children;
DO NOT let him bully you EMOTIONALLY.
Enjoy your youth and develop your CAREER.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): It is your life and your future. Why have kids if you are not ready? It will only make you miserable and unhappy. Think about yourself first!
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