A
female
age
41-50,
*ristenJ
writes:Hey everyone.I wrote before and got some really good advice so I thought I'd try again. This concerns a guy who used to be my best friend. For over a year things started to change between us and I felt he was developing feelings. He would call and text all the time, drop everything to be with me, give me presents etc. At first I was not attracted but he slowly won me over.However, before sleeping with him I told him what he already knew being a close friend for so long: that I do not wish to have sex outside a relationship.He freaked out told me he did not want a relationship, that he was not in love with me and left. It was very ugly and it left me feeling like a piece of meat. Since then things have been very awkward and we once had a huge fight (retroactive jealousy I believe it is called over a guy I had a crush on months ago). In his last mail he stated he really wants to remain friends but I am not comfortable with this. I beleive the line was crossed and me accepting the role of just a friend would hurt me down the road. I miss him like hell but when a guy tells me he is not in love with me I take it at face value. I have since withdrawn completely and had no contact with him whatsoever for about a month but eventually I'll run into him as we share many friends. His friends tell me he is miserable and ask me if I know why and I just don't know what to answer. It is very embarassing. Am I right to not want to settle for a friendship? When he tried to sleep with me knowing fully well I am not the type for casual sex he disrispected the friendship he claims means so much to him. I am not the one who changed the nature of things.Some months ago I was perfectly fine being a friend but now I have feelings for him. Any insight into this mess would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): This sounds like a Friends with Benefits thing to me. Those never end well if the two parties are not on the same page. I do not blame you for wanting a relationship and not just casual sex and if he is not willing to give you what you want then it is not worth pursuing. You are not a piece of meat and that is not something that should be part of any relationship. I am a male and I have been attracted to my friends more in a sexual way but didn't want a relationship it's a man thing. 79% of the time we want sex. More times than not casual sex between friends does not end well so I would just leave him a lone and give it time he could come around.
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