A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a man around the first of November and we started dating once or twice a week. We are both 45 years old. He said right off the bat that he wanted to take it slowly because he ex had dumped him by email about a month earlier. I agreed because I was coming off of a relationship myself. After a couple of months, we slept together for the first time. Five days later I saw him and he was distant. I asked him what was wrong and he told me his ex had called and said she was marrying a man she met two weeks earlier and he was upset. I said I understood.I had the flu the following week and couldn't see him and when felt better I called him twice and he didn't return my call for a week. Finally he called and said he had been busy and was feeling better about his ex. Didn't mention anything about getting together. He called me Friday night (day and one-half ago), but my daughter's grandmother died - her father's mother - and I've been working on packing to get out of town for the funeral. I called him back today and told him what was going on and told him I'd be back in four days. I then asked if he wanted to get together next weekend.He said, "Just to let you know, I'm seeing another woman and it's moving along well. She has kids and next weekend they will be with their father and she has time available."Oh, ok?He then asked if we could get together some evening this week. I said I was going to be out of town for the funeral, remember? He says, "Oh that's right." He then said we'd have to get together during the week next week.We hung up.OK, I feel two things. First, he wants me to compete for his attention, but I don't think he is interested in me or he would have pursued me more earlier on. Another reason I think this is that the last time I was at his house, he brought out all the home-baked cookies and cheescakes his other women "friend" had made him for the holidays. It almost felt like he was saying, "See? This other women are competing for me. What are you going to do?Second, I think he's dumping me. Which I guess is OK since we do not have a commitment or anything.For some reason, I feel used and abused or at least I feel he has attempted to manipulate me. Am I off base here?When you get down to it, I don't really think there is a future and I'm ok with that. It's just the way the whole thing unfolded that bugs me. Is there any reason for me to feel manipulated or used?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 No men would be stupid enough to tell his g/f that he is seeing another women openly.What would be his motive?
He has preferred the other woman and walked over you but he would still prefer you on the by lines.
You were not wrong to feel that way.He has used you and tried to manipulate you .
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