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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Would you class this as abuse?A guy who only seems to talk to you when he wants sex. Who pretends he cares and likes you then once you've had sex he says you have to leave early in the morning because he's busy. You text him and he ignores it then a few weeks later he suddenly starts contacting you again and the cycle continues. Who makes you ultimatley feel like crap but manages to get his own way because he knows you like him. He also has a girlfriend.Would you class what he's doing as some kind of emotional abuse?
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emotionally abusive, has a girlfriend, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): What he is doing is not honorable. But you are doing it to yourself just as much as he is doing it to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): No one can control your feelings against you. You are the only one who can respond to your feelings. He is not making you sleep with him, you do it because there is part of you that wants it, but then you feel hurt and let down afterwards. This is not him manipulating you, it is you making a bad choice. Don't worry, we all make bad choices!! The good news is that you can choose differently in your future. To say that he is abusing you lets you not have to take responsibility for your actions, lets you say "I am powerless to do anything", but its not true. You can and should take responsibility for your feelings and your behaviour, and make choices in your life that are good for you, whatever those are. When you do, you will find that you get to know yourself better and become a much happier person.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't mean that i'm innocent in all this. What i have done is wrong, i know. Maybe "abuse" is too strong a word. I mean with regards to him using my feelings towards him against me. If that makes sense.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I don't know if I'd call this emotional abuse or something else, the thing is, although he's not a nice guy and is not doing the right thing...YOU are letting him do it.
I don't mean to sound harsh and rude here but no self-respecting girl would be sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend and allow any man to treat her like this guy is treating you.
I don't understand why you're in this 'relationship' if you can call it that???
You have a choice as to how you want to be treated. You have a choice to be happy or not. At the moment, you're stuck on this guy for some reason and you're chosing to be unhappy and you're chosing to be treated like crap.
His behaviour is wrong but you can't change that and you also won't change it by putting a label on it either. If you want to feel better you need to change yourself and the way you think. You need to stop contact with him and never look back.
You're young and I'm sure many decent and available guys would love to have a normal and healthy relationship with you. You're cheating yourself out of a chance to have a loving relationship by being in this situation. It's your choice to leave this man and look for a better future.
All the best :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 No, this does not classify as abuse. He is using you, but you are a willing participant. He can't use you and make you feel the way you do without your permission. You know he has a girlfriend. You know that his character is morally reprehensible if he's willing to cheat on that girlfriend with you. What would make you different than the other girl he's dating and cheating on?
Once you classify this as abuse, not only do you contribute to the overuse of the word, but you put yourself in a helpless state. You, however, are far from helpless. Ignore his booty call texts. Break the cycle. Find a guy who isn't one to cheat on his women.
You need to take that crappy feeling you're feeling now and let it propel you into dropping this guy out of your life for good. Every time you give in, every week you wait around for his phone call, every year you allow yourself to be used is time you will never ever get back in your life. This guy isn't worth you giving the most precious commodity you have to him: Your time. Your best years.
Find someone much more worthy. They are out there.
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