A
female
age
36-40,
*imPossiblee
writes:Hi, I'm 27 years old and been dating a 37 years man, He's physically been there for my daughter and I and very kind and sweet to us but he has an mental issue where he always use his past for excuse for, I loved him, but I think it's time to move on, I feel like he keeps breaking up w me then later calls me again over and over and I am tired of it. I let him back in cause I know he has issues, but I think I'm letting it get over board. He stresses me out a lot with the words he say and things to tend to say sometime, I know I shouldn't show my weakness but he bothers me cause I care for him. He does everything I tell him, pick my daughter up from day care when I'm running late getting home from work, he takes us out dining like every week, spoiled me on Christmas, valentines day and my birthday, he takes us anywhere we'd like to go, but the thing I don't understand why he acts the way he acts sometime, I ask him and tried to communicate with him he always blame his past. I'm tried over looked his issues but it got to a point I got a little angry and hit him cause it hurts my feelings. Now, I'm officially done with him, no more letting back in my life if that's all the excuse he has and doesn't know how to change. Thanks for reading, any advice and suggestion is appreciated, Thanks..
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 March 2014):
Dear OP,
I was reading your post and at first, I was thinking "good for you, let him go!". But then I came to the end where it says that you actually hit your boyfriend because you were angry at him. And physical violence is not acceptable, no matter if you're a woman or a man.
I don't know enough about your relationship, but my advice would be to at least apologize about hitting him before you break up. And to think about whether it was really only his issues that came in the way of your love, or if you both had problems that made it hard to lead a happy life together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): OP you hit him? Once violence becomes a part of a relationship then there's no turning back, it has to be over.
Just remember any time he tries to contact you that it has led to violence and you cannot raise your daughter in such a relationship, end of story.
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A
female
reader, KimPossiblee +, writes (15 March 2014):
KimPossiblee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much honeypie, I am thankful for your response.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 March 2014):
 I don't know if it is his past or "just" a habit for him to act a certain way and then blame it on his past. (as I don't know WHAT in his past makes him think his behavior is OK).
The thing is YOU already know what to do and what you want.
He might BE a lovely guy if it wasn't for "those issues" and here is the thing, you have a relationship with "fixer upper" type. But he CAN NOT be fixed by you, only HE can work on those issues, with either a counselor or therapist. Blaming bad behavior on his past is not HELPING anyone, it's like walking away from responsibility. It's not my fault, I was hurt in the past so now I will HURT you. It's not logical, but it IS very common.
I get that it is nice to have someone who for the most part puts forth an effort to keep you happy. You seem like you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that in turn PREVENTS you from being happy with him.
Keep the no contact "rule" and stick to it. Don't date someone out of a mix of love and pity. And certainly don't let someone walk all over you because you feel sorry for them.
Focus on your and your daughter for a while and next time you meet someone don't be afraid to walk away and stay away if he isn't a good fit for you.
And yes, you can love someone who isn't really good for you. The trick is to know when to walk away. And when "love" isn't enough to make up for the bad times.
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