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female
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*utafly
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and when we first got together, he had the worst friends. They were immature and took drugs and did not know what life was all about. My boyfriend followed them around like a puppy dog and did everything they told him to do. He changed when we got together and I taught him that there was more to life then drugs. I have always been really mature for my age and ALWAYS thinking of the future. The problem in our relationship is that my boyfriend is still immature in some ways, and taking drugs has led him to be a little slow sometimes and he finds it hard to concentrate and understand things. He tries really hard but I get really angry at him when he doesn't listen to me when I try to explain things to him. It's like he hears what I say, but it just goes straight over the top of his head. It wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't about common sense. It's getting to the point where we argue every single day and I'm starting to feel like his parents didn't care much and didn't teach him anything! I try to be really patient with him and he says he is trying and he will grow up soon but I am thinking of the future and don't know if he will ever be able to change. I know he will be a great father and look after me but it's things like finance that he will never understand. I know it seems shallow and I should not worry about things like that, but I tend to think of everything. I need a man that can take care of a family, not me taking care of him! We speak about the situation constantly and talk of breaking up, but realise that is not an option. So what do we do? Will he grow out of it?
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female
reader, butafly +, writes (27 May 2006):
butafly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your response. You're totally right, that's what I worry about constantly. I definitely blame the drugs. He was smoking cannabis and I know that kills your brain cells so I wish he never turned to that. I know that he is not doing anything wrong and he is trying so hard, but there has to be a way that I can be patient with him and a way for him to learn his responsibilities without me nagging him. I know in my heart he would be a great father and we love each other so much, but I don't want my children growing up with parents arguing constantly and I don't want to be a mother figure his whole life. I wish there was a simple answer!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): Hi, well I do sympathise with you. But on the whole if he was into the drug scene then it means that something must have been wrong with him emotionally to start with. To me it looks as though you are being his mother figure, his support system. As you rightly said, if you want a family you need someone who you can rely on 100% and support you and your children. I think that you are having serious doubts about this relationship, and remember people don't change overnight. Think about it seriously, if you are arguing every day now, imagine what it would be like with small children in your home.
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