A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:while we were talking/fighting, my boyfriend told me recently that a while ago he had doubts about whether or not he was sexually attracted to me anymore, so he turned to porn to see if those girls were more attractive. he told me that he thought he wasnt into my body type anymore and was testing the waters to see if there was a better fit for him. he said he did this a few times over the course of a few months. during this time our sex life was rocky (he couldnt sustain an erection) but he always insisted it wasnt me. apparently he was lying. he said that eventually his problems went away so he stopped worrying about it.this was just over a year ago and yet i was very hurt and shocked by his confession. i started crying and couldnt stop for a few hours (alone, after he left). it was just devestating to me to hear the man who i've been with for over five years, who loves me, who makes love to me, who has seen me from every angle in every lighting with no make up on, crying, while i'm ill, when i'm naked, all that, and still (supposedly) thinks i'm beautiful... tell me that he once had serious doubts about whether i was hot enough to keep him interested.i guess the silver lining is that the doubts eventually went away. i am still very hurt by him saying these things to me (about not finding me attractive). am i overreacting? to other women, how would you respond to a similar confession from your boyfriend- that he worried you werent attractive enough so he started looking for other women to see if they were? Am I alone in being hurt by this? He insists that if I said the same thing to him, he wouldn't be hurt by it... but I feel like anyone would be hurt by the breach of trust (lying about it) and the jab at their appearance... by someone who is supposed to love them... i don't know, i'm all muddled up right now. Any feedback would be nice.P.s. its not the porn thing that bothers me, its the reason for him looking at porn, and also the lying about it, and using it later in a fight to get to me or something.
View related questions:
erection, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): :( I'm sorry :(
He was being painfully honest. :(
To be honest, I don't think he deserves you. His love is apparently only surface deep.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): I'm trying to think of a way to give the guy some benefit of the doubt, but it's a stretch. Even if he's trying to be completely honest and open with you, there are some things you simply don't say in a relationship. At best he's really dense. At worst, he's superficial and immature. Sweetie, I have to think you deserve better.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Time to move on sweetheart, this guy is an Arse and you deserve better!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): He goes right for the jugular doesn't he? What an arsehole! I'm surprised you didn't give him the big heave-ho after him coming out with an insult like that.
He might say he loves you, but if he can come out with that sort of thing I don't think that his 'love' runs very deep at all. Maybe he'll become mature one day, but it's up to you whether or not you hang around waiting for that to happen.
...............................
|
