A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i was with my partner of 15 years,for ten years of the relationship we spent most of our time together and went everywhere together.then when he hit 40 he changed and started looking in the mirror all the time going to the gym and it all became a obession.i was left on my own for long periods of time.he had never really helped me in the relationship i did everything in the house and garden.he started earning more money and was spending it on himself and would make me borrow money to buy food.we wasnt getting on anymore so i slept on the sofa for 6 months he didnt seem to care.then i had enough and told him to leave.so he got himself a flat that was a year ago now,but we still remained friends i would often go out with him,shopping and for a coffee,also i sorted his banking out because he wasnt good at that sort of thing.then i met someone else and that didnt workout and he also had a affair with a married women that didnt work,anyway 6 weeks back iwas round at his flat when he told me he had always wanted to be back with me but was scared in saying,we gave each other a cuddle and i stayed the night,no sex though.i told him i needed abit of time to sort my head out,but we still carried on going out,then a month ago he phoned and i said yes lets give it ago and he said he had changed his mind,i said why and he said he had found someone else and wants to be with her,i said why and he says because she reminds him of me.but still wants to remain friends,i said how in hell can i be friends with him when he is with someone else and i love him.its made me ill and i have had to go to the doctors and i am on anti depressants now and going to see a counsilor.my friends are saying that he is using me as second best,and it wont last with this women then he will come crawling back to me.its been a month now since they have been together,she is a single parent with two boys and has only come out of a relationship herself 3 months ago,where her boyfriend cheated on her.i have to keep some contact with him because we have a son together.
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female
reader, IvyWitch9117  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 well hun it sounds like a bad situation and i know it's upsetting you but your friends are probibly right... i'm almost sure of it that he'll end up getting rid of her or her of him and he'll come crawling back to you and some men sometimes just use women they know will take them and love them when no one else will.... i know you have to keep some contact with him because you have a son but don't let it bring you down i mean think of your son... think of how he'd feel if he knew how bad his father was upsetting his mother and that his mother had to take pills and she was ill because his father left her...i think you should just keep a child sharing relationship with this man and nothing more i mean it seems to me he doesn't know what he wants and he can't just be running in and out of your life.... you should remain aqaintances not friends just friendly towards one another because of your son... this man hurt you and didn't care a bit that he did that to you or your son... sounds like a major jerk
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): It would seem he wants his cake and to eat it as well.
It's possible he was seeing someone else at the time he started going to the gym etc, and the alarm bells would have started ringing for me at that time. Possibly he's going through the 'male menopause' though.
Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to continue a relationship with him.
Common sense should tell you that you don't really have any future together, but if you can stay friends that would be good, if only for the sake of your son who I am sure would be quite upset if his parents were constantly at war with one another.
Whatever happens between him and his other woman (women?) is his concern and you need to separate yourself from his other relationships. I'd hazard a guess that they won't last either.
Keep away from his bed - it's almost like you are on the end of a piece of elastic at his beck and call, and your friends are right you ARE second best. You need to sever your emotional ties with him once and for all.
Phil
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (26 September 2007):
 For starters, why would you want to be with someone as mean as him? He made you borrow money to buy food?? It sounds like you were happy without him, then he came along with wanting to get back together and threw your emotions out of whack.
Without meaning to be harsh, you don't sound like a very strong person - you have fallen apart and are now depending on anti depressants? You let him treat you bad for at least 0 years previous to you even breaking up?
He's going through what sounds like a mid life crisis. Gets fit, starts taking care of his appearance, find newer model, classic case. Of course she reminds him of you, she probably reminds him of your relationship when it was fresh and new and exciting. Right now, you are routine and 'normal' to him, and he craves excitement.
My advice to you, get off the drugs, caryr on with counselling, get yourself booked into the local beauty salon, have a new hair cut and colour, have a facial, have a manicure, a massage - pamper yourself! Start going to the gym yourself, or classes such as qua aerobics. You will meet other people who can offer a fresh perspective on life, and you will feel so much better about yourself after exercise.
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