A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:Two week's ago, an incident occurred with my boyfriend of 3yrs.,He tried to choke me which is the 2nd time, but there are other problems. He actually gave up his apt. to move in with me when this happened. He has been calling me telling me he is sorry and that he loves me. He is upset at me because I kicked him out like a dog which I gave him 2 weeks notice. Is it normal for me to feel sad. I'm lucky that my boys didn't see anything. Am I in denial? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry and upset that things turned out the way they did, but you should feel like this for the right reasons rather than the wrong ones.
You had a relationship which didnt turn out the way you had hoped it would and for that you may feel sorry and upset. However, feelng sorry for kicking him out, NO! I commend you for doing something that probably took all of your power to do. You did what was the best thing for your kids and ultimately for you!
If he gets in a temper and throws his toys out the cot and does that to you, who knows what could happen if you allowed him to stay. You have kids and the last thing you would want is for them to see a man getting angry with mom and hurting her because they will grow up with the idea that that is how it is supposed to be. And there is more to life than living in fear of what he could do.
Why feel sorry that he moved apartments to live with you? He made the mistake of taking things too far, not you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): I too commend you for staying strong and kicking him out. I really do. So many women don't have your strength or they find it too late. Your children are lucky too. Your boys are lucky they didn't see anything. It won't traumatise them or teach them that they can hurt women. The fact that they haven't seen anything means they have no lesson to learn.
As women we feel guilt even when we shouldn't, it's stupid but it is what it is. Breathe a huge sigh of relief, forget about him and move on. You're so much better off. So are your kids.
good luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Its really hard to love someone and they hurt you to then accept what they have done. I think its wonderful that you were strong enough to ask him to leave.I know that couldn't have been easy for you.But his actions were dangerous, and who knows what he might do next? I'm sorry that it hurts you so much, but you did the right thing. No one deserves to be abused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): It's plain to see that you you still care as this break up is fresh, and your heart is still speaking. However, I am happy to see that your head is over-riding all that. You did the right thing and I commend you for being so strong. This man had lost control and he did physically hurt you..he lashed out at you. This was not love. We don't cause physical harm and hurt on the ones we love...plain and simple. No excuses. This was an issue over power and control. It appears he has an anger management problem and he simply can't be using you, as a punching bag, whenever he can't get his temper under control. Your children could have been next and I can't tell you how proud I am to see you protect those beautiful children of yours. You put them first...always. I read a quote somewhere and it went like this: "Abusive relationships are very damaging to children, even if they're just witnesses. But for women in an abusive relationship, chances are much higher that their children also will be direct victims of abuse. Over half of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children. You may worry that seeking help may further endanger you or your baby or that it may break up your relationship and family. But in the long run, seeking help when you safely can is the best way to protect your children and yourself"You are strong, you deserved better and no matter how much he begs to come back, you need to ignore it. Because if you do take him, you will always be worried about the safety of yourself and that of your children. The trust is shattered here. Please heal, recover and if you find yourself, wanting him back, because you have this belief he loves you, you might want to get counseling to find out why your feel this way about yourself. And why you feel so drawn to this man. And you want to learn how to recognize abusive behaviors and how not to tolerate such cruel behavior. My heart is with you , hun. Keep being strong and please go forward, without this guy. Good luck and take care.
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