A
female
age
30-35,
*endra0589
writes:Okay.. I finally met this guy that treats me nice takes me out to eat and respects me well. However I'm not attracted to him at all. I love the fact that he treats me well but I want to be sure I can handle this before we get serious. I would never play with his feelings I've had it done to me and it hurts. All the other guys I met that looked well or average treated me like sh*t and only wanted sex. I'm not the type of person that goes by looks as the number one factor as a matter of fact I hate people like that but I'm not attracted to him. I really like him and don't want to let something like this ruin me getting to know a nice person. One of my friends told me I would be a fool to let him get away if he treats me well while my other friend was shocked I would deal with a guy like that. I'm not shallow at all so what is it? Do you think this will change over time or will I have to be honest with myself? Has anyone ever experienced it but grew out of it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): I'm sure you're not shallow. You're just not attracted to him. This is a shame for him, but you can't force yourself to be attracted to somebody you don't find attractive.
You may of course BECOME attracted to him. If you don't, then it's probably fair of you to not keep his hopes up by letting him take you out etc, with the unspoken inference that kissing/sex/general amorous adventures may be on the menu. And you'll need to be honest with him if he makes a move, but let him down gently and be considerate of his feelings...don't tell him you find him unattractive, which may be very harmful to a guy's ego.
'I'm not the type of person that goes by looks as the number one factor as a matter of fact I hate people like that but I'm not attracted to him'...
almost everyone, to some degree, is influenced by looks when it comes to selecting their partner(s). There may be some people who aren't, and base everything entirely on personality. But if you're not one of them, it's pointless to feel guilty about not having those feelings for him.
(Though it's definitely worth your while pursuing the curiousity that's at the very heart of your question by investigating WHY so many girls like yourself seem to be sexually turned off by sensitive nice guys and happy to give it up for 'bad boys' who treat them like shit. There are some good threads on this site about the issue, they're worth reading)
'I really like him and don't want to let something like this ruin me getting to know a nice person'...
Good attitude. You're right. Don't EVER let a lack of sexual attraction stop you from getting to know nice people. They're priceless. This guy could be a very valuable friend. Or maybe even more.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Jays  +, writes (25 January 2010):
maybe you could try something small with him such as a kiss and see if you feel anything, if you dont then theres no point staring a reltionship with someone your not really attracted to and theres no spark or excitement because thats just a long road to heartbreak soo if your still not attracted too him then try keeping him as a good friend, because good friends are always great too have :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Yes I've been in your shoes and I married the guy. He was a wonderful husband but even on my honeymoon I remember thinking "Is this all there is?". I tried to side-track myself with hobbies and work, but the attraction thing began to really get in the way by year 3. I always felt myself drawn to other men; men I was attracted to. I had a string of empty affairs and always thinking I was an idiot for cheating on such a wonderful man. I felt horrible each time, but later I'd find myself in the same boat again because I was missing the sexual spark that only comes from being attracted to someone. I finally had to face the facts after too many years of kidding myself. I wasted not only my own time, buy the time my husband was fooled into thinking I really loved him. Do not underestimate the whole attraction thing. I was the same way; the men I was attracted to when I was younger, always treated me like crap. But I really hurt a good man and it could have been avoided if I would've just been true to myself and kept looking. Don't make the same mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): I had this same problem I dated the sweetest guy ever but he didn't turn me on and in all honesty if he can't turn you on it's just not worth it,no matter how shallow it sounds, if he's just not doing for you let him go.I mean his face isn't gonna change any time soon so think about it?
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