A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, my boyfriend and I went out for a year and three months. We broke up for four months and I dated another guy during that time; my boyfriend did not date anyone. He and I got back together a couple months ago and now he's treating me essentially like crap. I mean, he doesn't hit me or anything, but he's always trying to make me jealous; I hurt him really bad when I went out with the other guy and I guess he's now returning the favor. It hurts me so much and I don't want him to act like this anymore! We've had talks about it and the thing is, I can't say much because I'm the one who screwed him over the first time. I feel lousy and I regret going out with the other guy and my boyfriend constantly makes me feel like shit about it! I know I want to stay with my boyfriend and that I love him, but I just want him to stop talking about other girls -- That's really the main issue.I know I'm the bad person for what I did and I've apologized so many times to my boyfriend and I've cried so much, but I don't know. I need a way to get my boyfriend to feel the same way as he did before the first time we broke up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): It sounds like when you two broke up, he never really accepted that it happened. Not in his heart anyway.
He didn't date anyone else during that time. Now he seems to feel like you dating someone else during that time was cheating on him. That sounds pretty clear cut to me.
You can reason with him about this, but we're talking about emotional feelings here. He basically feels cheated on in his heart, and he's not gonna be able to reason his way out of this hurt feelings even though he might want to now.
It's his problem to deal with all this. But I don't know if he will really deal with it. He definitely won't ever feel the same towards you now, it's only a question of whether he will be able to move on with a relationship in the future with you or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Agreed with the below advice! Why are you blaming yourself. If you both had broken up , you were a free agent, hun. You had the 'right' to date whom you pleased, didn't you. He is jealous and he's making you pay an emotional price. Simple as that. If he truly loved you, he would appreciate that you two can begin anew and he's let go of the past. He's with you, and he cares. That's all he should be appreciative of. He has no right to control you and your life in this manner. So hun, you cannot be weak here because this nice but subservient weakness, I sense from you, won't get you the respect you deserve from him. Change your way of thinking and show him you have self-respect. Take a hard stand as you are being victimized here and you need to stop this destructive, immature behavior of his. Listen, people should never be punished for doing nothing. All you did was after you and he broke up, you moved on. You dated someone else. Isn't that what 'most' people do after a break up. He's just being petty and angy because you didn't pine away for him and lament over the loss. When jealousy rears its ugly head, the person on the receiving end must put their foot down, hard and set a boundry...fast. If they don’t, the jealous one will feel justified because the victim (you) are acceding to his wishes. So stop being a doormat, and tell him, if he doesn't stop this horrid treatment of you and doesn't begin treating you as a human being--then give him his walking papers. And quit blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. When I hear of females doing that, I say....build up your self-esteem and let others know how special you are. If he doesn't get it, then he's not a healthy person to be dating. Good luck and never let anyone tear you down in life...take care my dear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): I know what you guys are saying and it really sucks that you say he will never feel the same way again. A fact I should probably accept sooner or later. I don't want to leave him and he's told me he's not going to leave me...if I remain faithful. But I DID remain faithful to him! We were broken up when I went out with the other guy. And I'm still faithful to him now that we're back together. It really isn't him bringing up the past that I'm the most concerned about, it's the fact that he constantly talks about other girls. It hurts me so much. And this is his favorite line: "How does it feel?" And that's when I either break down and cry or call him a dick and cry.
This all sounds really horrible, but most of the time (about 90% of the time), we have the amazing moments.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): One thing is for sure - he's never going to feel the same as he did before you went off with the other guy. But that doesn't mean he has to keep going on about it or trying to annoy you over it. You were broke up at the time and both free to date other people. The fact that he didn't get with anyone in that time isn't really your problem or your fault.
Unless he can put the whole thing behind him and not mention it every time you have a bust-up there's not much hope of a peaceful future for the two of you. If he's only back with you because he wants to torture you that's not a good way to sustain a mutually loving relationship. It's a very good way of destroying one though.
You need to tell him if he mentions it one more time you'll be out of it because he's making your life a misery.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I don't think you did anything wrong. You guys were broken up so you were free to date whomever. Don't let him make you feel bad. There is no point in getting back together if he is going to hold this over your head. He is trying to make you feel guilty and manipulate the situation.
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