A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:Its hard to express how i feel bout my ex do i love him still? Am i jealous of him? I dont know. Me and him have been so back and foward to the point it makes me dizzy. 3 yrs ive spent trying to make him realise and hoping that one day he will change! I never met anyone like him in the beginning.so charming. Made me laugh.but then he knows im insecure bout how i feel how i look. And he plays on it by saying jokes like . Have u put on weight. Or your carrying abit of weight! For god sake i lost 5 stone and went down to 8 and a half stone! But i have put a stone back on cos i was too thin. And he made me have a complex i was fat again! He has been with over 70 women b4 me! Which i find hard. As ive only been with 3! He would go out tell me how everyone want him. He has no problem pulling if he wants too. And has to turn girls down for fun! Why would he tell me that? He knows how jealous i get. He walks round thinking hes top dog! We spilt various times and he went with others! But he would say they didnt mean anything. It me he wants.and with me it just feels right! He loves me and has never felt like this b4. I did everything and put up with lots! Nites out when he didnt no how he got home cos hes drunk! House partys with girls. But i wasnt allowed to go out with him.and yet the next day he would say my ex was all over me last nite! We live in a different town but on 30 mins away! He makes me low in confindence. Stripped me of my myself. Cos he turned me into a worrying person who believes their noone out there 4 me! I hate it. I sit here now thinking the thought of him going out pulling women having attention make me feel sad. Why? Its like i still want him to want me and change 4 me! But when i with him im lonely .depressed person! I no he will get back in contacu sometime and give me all the crap bout what a shit he was to me! This is what he always does! Im so lonely. Help please!
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confidence, drunk, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
Read that and see what parts apply to him.
The biggest mistake anyone can make in a relationship is to think they can change someone, because they can't. People can only change themselves and it sounds to me like the idiot you were dating has no intention of changing.
You feel sad because you still have strong feelings for him, in time these feelings will lessen and perhaps disappear completely but only as long as you stay away from him.
It might help to erase all parts of him from your life, burn old photo's, give any clothes of his you have lying around to charity and get rid of all physical evidence of your relationship (again give whatever belongings of his you have to charity, it will make you feel a bit better about things). Having constant reminders of him around the place will keep reminding you of the insecure person you were when he was around and will make it harder to move on.
Once you have erased his existence you can start to rebuild your confidence, there is someone out there for you even though it may not seem that way now, everyone here will tell you that because it's true. Keep the faith, you will find someone that deserves your love, until then though you might start learning to enjoy the single life again.
You are free to do what you want without having to factor in someone else feelings, go out and enjoy yourself.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 He has torn you down. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but sometimes this happens to the best of us. Honey, he is not going to change, no matter how much you love him and wish that he would.
It's time for you to cut him off for good. Delete his number and block him from your phone. Don't open the door if he comes by. Don't let him drag you down anymore with his lies and abuse. That's right, him being cruel to you about your weight was ABUSE. A man who loves you does not ever make you feel bad about yourself.
Don't feel bad for being drawn in by his charm. That's what manipulators do, they draw people in with their charm and attention. But they can't hide the real person inside for long!
There is a better person out there for you. Yes, absolutely, definitely, positively. You can find a man who is good to you, who makes you feel good, who is kind and respectful. Take some time right now to soothe your wounds and be good to yourself. You are not the wrong person here. He is. You are a good woman and you deserve the best for yourself.
*hug* Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): He is a loser!
He gets his confidence from stripping you of yours! You deserve better! The sooner you get away from him, the better.
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