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age
41-50,
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writes: Am 32 and by boyfriend of one year is 29. I accidentally fell pregnant two months ago but had an abortion. Things were ok before i got pregnant and we had intentions of marrying. The moment i broke the news, he started avoiding me, and was getting irritated with pregnancy symptoms and physical changes. I felt worthless and frustrated. He had suggested termination but i had initially refused. He still told me he loved me and was coming to terms with the situation. However, i was getting stressed everyday and ended up terminating. He was mad at me and called me names, saying he was no longer for the idea, as he had even informed his parents about the baby. he called me all sorts of names. We 'resolved' issues and are back on track, but am so scared of fully committing. Wouldn't he behave the same if we got married? Does he truly love me? Can i safely trust him again? Is he worth my time. One other thing i have realized is that we are at different levels in terms of settling. I am ready and want to settle, but he seems unsure. Should i still wait for him? will i be wasting my time? Am thinking i stay on and keep my options open, in case i meet someone else. What do you think?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 You put him to the test when he's not up for it. An abortion means convenience at the moment, at the same time it's telling everybody he's not man enough to be a dad. He felt shameful and then blames you for what he's feeling. He made you go through a painful procedure then punished you for your decision. He's aware of all this. He's still with you because leaving you alone means adding one more item to his "crime" list. The guilt makes him feel responsible to make things right again. This incidence forces him to grow up, but whatever he does now would feel like obligation rather than from his heart. I am afraid the temptation to start all over again would be greater than waiting for him to gain your trust.
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