A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, but I recently met a very nice guy (not a rebound) that I'm starting to like and can probably grow to like a lot in the future. He's been very good at persuing me and asking me out, while I've just been standing back for the most part. The thing is I'm a very reserved person physically at first, especially now (b/c I was so use to my bf that a new person feels a bit strange) and in general when I first meet guys (I've been getting hit on by guys since I was 16, but its always been for physical reasons so I've very reserved b/c I've come to believe that I'm usually getting courted for the sex and the guy will bail after a couple of weeks -- unless he holds out until I feel comfortable enough).We've been on four dates and he's a very touchy-feely, affectionate guy, and he finally brought up that I'm sending him mixed signals, b/c I've very nice towards him but I've pretty reserved physically. And I tried to explain that I'm not, that it just takes me a while to get to know people and feel comfortable with them, but I think he got offended, b/c he basically said, "well, if you feel like you'll ever get to know me, however long that takes, then let me know". I dont want to stop seeing him b/c of this, I dont want to do what I'm uncomfortable with but I dont want to make him feel like I'm not into him either.. so what can I do to salvage the situation? Be more active in asking him out/contacting him? Explain it point blank to him? Thanks
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi,
I think this guy is being a jerk if you ask me. If he truly respects you as an individual he wouldnt be trying to paw you when you go out on a date. There is nothing wrong with a peck on the cheek and maybe even a little cuddle after a few dates, but it looks like this guy is just waiting for the moment when he can get you into bed.
I think you've picked a dud here, and don't let him convince you that it is your fault. I assume you are physically attractive so you are bound to attract more creeps than the average girl.
By saying that you are sending mixed signals sends alarm bells ringing to me. It's his way of saying "why won't you put out!" . I think you may be misinterpreting his so called affectionate ways for something else.
But if you think he is truly genuine in his affections for you, then spell it out to him. You want to get to know him better before you become intimate, if he can't understand that then he's not worth it mate.
good luck.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Explain it point blank.
Sit down on your own first. Work out clearly and concisely what you feel and what you want to say. Think about where you are going, where your relationship is going, and where you think you want it to go. Work out all the ifs and buts. Write it down if that helps - then read it through, make changes, and clear it in your own head.
Then tell him.
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