A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for nine months...we've had arguments in the past, but we've always pulled through. We love eachother so much, or at least I thought he loved me... But today I rang him up to see if he wanted to meet up (we see eachother every day, unless one of us is ill) and he said okay, then I said I'd be half an hour because I had to do my hair and make-up and he told me not to do my make-up because it made me look like a tramp! :/ It really hurt me and he said it was just advice, but then he said maybe we shouldn't meet up today after all. He's been ignoring my calls and texts, I know he's got credit because we're both on O2 so we can text eachother for free. I've tried apologising for being moody, but at the end of the day he's the one who insulted me. Why would he say I look like a tramp? Does he think I'm ugly? Is he maybe planning to break up with me?:'(
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I think you need to calm down about this.
How old are you? And WHY do you feel the need to spend half an hour doing your hair and makeup before you can see your boyfriend? How much make up do you put on? Concealer, foundation, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blusher, lipstick.... how much do you need to put on before you go out of the house?
In my opinion, and from what my male friends tell me, they do not like girls who slap on the makeup with a trowel. They would much prefer their women with a natural looking face, than looking like some page 3 model who has had a bit too much spray tan! Maybe you are going over the top with the makeup and he thinks you should tone it down a bit before you start looking like Katie Price and co?
I think what your boyfriend is trying to tell you (albeit in a slightly cackhanded manner, with possibly the wrong choice of words), is that maybe you dont need the makeup, and you are actually hiding your natural beauty underneath a mask. Take this as a compliment!
Another issue I think you need to address is why you need this mask in front of your boyfriend? He is the guy who you should feel most comfortable with, and able to show yourself as naturally as you can. If you wont see him without makeup, and doing your hair maybe he thinks that he doesnt see the real you? Just a question to think about.
Personally, I only wear mascara and lip balm during the day or when I am working. If I wear full makeup, which is rare, it is only if I am going out somewhere really posh, which requires a certain look. Otherwise you can makeyourself look wonderful without the need for slapping it on. A natural glow is far more attractive than something that is painted on. It will also keep your skin nicer looking for longer, as there is nothing drying your skin out all the time. If a boyfriend sees me without, then its no big deal. If my hair looks a mess, so what. If I dont have mascara on so what? It doesnt matter. If he cant look at me as nature intended then it is his problem, not mine.
If he was more concerned that I look perfect 24/7 he would be out the door, as he obviously only wanted me for my body and looks, not me as a person.
Your boyfriend seems to want to see the real you, and the fact you are so concerned about the way you look, maybe makes him think you are only thinking about yourself? Maybe he thinks you are trying to attract other guys?
I know you are a teenager, and you want to look your best at all times, but maybe just for a week, try and tone it down a little. Dont wear foundation, avoid the eyeliner, stick with basic mascara and lipgloss or something. Try and enhance your NATURAL beauty.
You never know, you might just find it liberating for yourself!
Good Luck
Tiger x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): He sounds rude and controlling and you would be better of without him. Ignoring your calls is a sign of controlling behaviour because it makes you want to speak to him so badly you will apologise and come round to his way of thinking, so he has you just where he wants you and it's clearly working already. Tell you that you look like a tramp is not nice. Telling you not to wear to much make up is also controlling. If he has ANY issues with anything between you, whether it be make up or otherwise, his responsibility as a decent human being is to discuss with you respectfully. Calling you a 'tramp' is actually verbal abuse and ignoring your calls is cruel and emotionally abusive. He should be apologising to you. I think you should dump him! (sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear but you are so young with your whole life ahead of you and I have two daughters a bit older than you and I would furious if a boyfriend spoke to them like that and actually neither of them would tolerate it). Enjoy yourself. If you want to wear make up, wear it and if YOU think you wear too much, then you experiment with different looks and styles to suit yourself and anyway presumably when he asked you out you were wearing make up?? Don't let him upset you. I have been with verbally abusive men in the past and it only gets worse .. you do everything they want and in the end they still dump you! xx
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