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female
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*unnydays
writes: I have been in a relationship for six months. It started as a not serious thing as we both didn't want a relationship, but after a couple of months we both agreed that we wanted it to be a relationship as we started getting close and caring for one another. We have a lot of fun together, have the same goals and interests etc. It's been fantastic! He started a new job about 3 weeks ago, working long hours plus I have been stressed with work so things haven't been so good. We finally had a talk about it a couple of days ago. I said I wasn't happy ie. he doesn't do the little things anymore and is tired all the time. He said a few things that has blown my mind and confused the hell out of me. He said that he is happy BUT doesn't love me, feels that something has been missing lately and doesn't have that zing/wow factor anymore. BUT can't imagine being without me, loves what we have, thinks I am a wonderful/awesome person, can see the big picture for us and even tho something is missing, he thinks it can be fixed. What I don't get is how can you see the big picture if you don't love the person. Is six months too soon to expect love? Also on the love subject, he said that he is confused about it and doesn't know what it is. Now I am not sure if I should stick around. If he doesn't love me now, will he ever? I just feel so unhappy now and not sure if/how to get past it. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): If you and your b/f have been dating just six months..it's obvious he is not at the LOVE stage of the relationship. Love takes time..it's when two beings connect on a deeper level. It can only be felt in the heart and soul. It's about friendship, respect, humor and the feelings of warmth and contentment that come when you are in his/her presence. It takes patience and more often than not..women give in to love feelings far sooner than men do. You b/f has been honest with you and told you his true feelings. Now, it's up to you to deal with his true feelings, in a mature, rational manner. Just because he says he's not at that "in love" stage doesn't mean he won't get there..Love takes time to build. And don't confuse love with lust.
Remember, the zing/wow factor he's likely speaking of is the spark and physical attraction (or lust) he felt during the initial stages in a relationship with you. This is only a hunch, but there's a strong possibility here that he is one of those individuals who crave the feelings that come with the early and more physically exciting stage of attraction. This early time in a relationship brings that rush of adrenaline that causes the heart to race and produces a feeling of being "high (the zing/wow factor).
I think SIX months is way too soon for a deep, true love to develop between two people. So have a couple options..you can relax and give this relationship time to progress where it will flourish and grow into true love, on his part. Just because he's not at the same stage as you doesn't mean he doesn't care or respect you. It's just taking him a longer time to get there.
Or option two..if this issue of him not loving you is really bothering you..then you need to focus on your own physical and emotional well-being, because this will "eat" away at your self-worth. Continuing an intimate relationship with him could be dangerous to your self-esteem. It may be a good idea that you take a break and spend some time thinking about what you desire and need from a relationship.
A
male
reader, Bat_hell +, writes (18 July 2005):
Every relationship, regardless of the time span, always hits rough patches. He has been working long hours, you have been stressed, and this has added a strain on your relationship. Where as you have notice he doesnt do the little things anymore, and he has noticed the WOW factor is missing!
The question is though, are you both prepared to work at your relationship and get it through this rough patch, or call it a day?
That decision is entirely up to you, and only you know what is right for you, but remember all the positive things he has said about you, and he can see the big picture for you!
If you are prepared to work at it, then you need to start spending time together, time where you dont need to worry about anything, you can both relax, unwind and get that loving feeling back. 6 months is relatively short, and as the song goes, "you cant hurry love, you just have to wait"; but if you can see this relationship going further then you must both sit down and discuss it and plan what you are going to do to rekindle this love. Good luck
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reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
Six months is not too soon to expect love.
I would leave things as they are for a while or until things settle down with work etc and see how you are getting on then. If things are still the same, have another talk.
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