A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay male of 23 years old (almost 24) and my boyfriend is 25 (almost 26). We've been together for 3 and a half years and it's be... alright.We got into a little argument today about how my boyfriend is always commenting on how other guys on TV look, and how he's always eyeing up other guys and always looking at and downloading porn (he usually lies to me about the latter) and it came round to us arguing about our sex-life problems - I was of the opinion that he wasn't really participating unless I asked him specifically to do something and even then it was clear he wasn't really interested. So, I got frustrated to the point and asked him very bluntly - what don't you like about me? His response was "well, to brutally honest, you're no Shemar Moore!" For those of you who don't know, Shemar Moore is a very attractive coloured muscle man from a TV show called Criminal Minds (he plays the character Derek Morgan). I myself am very thin and have absolutely zero in terms of muscle. At least now I know why he acts the way he does with regards to looking at other guys and downloading porn.My boyfriend then proceeded to defend himself by saying "but you've always known that, I made that clear to you from day one and it's your personality that I fell in love with and you don't need a hot body when you've got an even hotter soul." I wasn't sure if that was meant to make me feel better or not.I'm just not sure if I'm happy with him. We've had many problems stemming from this in the past and even broke up once, which is why I'm hesitant to do it again because I don't want people to think of me as that type of person who breaks up with something, then get back together and then break up again, etc, etc, etc. As well as that, I feel like I don't want to waste any more of my life - he was my first and only boyfriend, I've never been with another guy... am I wasting my time with him? Should I be out there experiencing more than just him?I hope someone can help.
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 It certainly isn't nice for someone to tell you that you're not very attractive. On the other hand it is difficult to find 'the one' that you indeed WANT to be with. There's also the 'validation' factor, when looking at other real guys, that is making sure you have the best thing out there. Keep in mind MOST of those really 'hot' (on the outside) are NOT so hot on the inside.
All that being said, if you feel in your heart that it's just not really working, it's best to move on on find the RIGHT one for you.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (27 June 2011):
 someone who tells you they fell for your personality not your looks and complains that you dont look a certain way is not a person i would be comfortable with.
its up to you what you will tolerate. it will chip away at you if you are with someone and they are not sexually attracted to you.
bad for your self esteem
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): IMHO I don't see anything to worry about. That is typical boyfriend behavior, checking out other people. My boyfriend does the same thing when looking in real life or on television--he often comments on how sexy or hot they look. Doesn't mean he loves you or your body any less though. He loves you for who you are, not them.
Everyone has their ideal mental image of the perfect body. My boyfriend has a general preference for smaller breasts and an athletic body, neither of which I have. But he's still very much genuinely attracted to me, despite the fact that I don't have that type of body. I assume the same is true with your boyfriend.
I hope that helps. :)
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