A
female
age
51-59,
*homas winter
writes:My husband had an affair a year ago, I found out after two weeks, he ended it and we stayed together. I found out a week ago that he did not end the affair it has been going on all the time. He has left me for her and I am totally broken, we have been married for 19 years, I have been with him since I was 15. (now 38) I just can not bear my life without him, I know I should be hating him for what he has done but I just need him back, I feel I cannot live without him, please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): he'll be back...and when he comes play hard to get...make him earn your love back...make him wait...if he really wants you he'll work for you...for now cry, cry, and cry some more...don't let him see you sad...you may even want to act as though you have a new friend...make him doubt his self and the decision he's made...i don't know him but...right now i have a anger in me because i've been done the same way by my husband...he not only left me but had kids by other women...our divorce is almost final...ive got involved with another man who's emotionally unavailable and i be damned if im not in the same situation...ask God for strength to pull you through this situation...don't let it get the best of you...you're still young...you do have time to find someone else...and you never know that someone else might be overall better than your husband anyway...God bless
A
female
reader, MariGmz  +, writes (28 March 2009):
 I am sorry.
I can write to you and tell you, don't worry you'll get over him, or it was better for him to leave you than keep with the lie. Anything that anyone tells you right now isn't going to make you any better.
It is very painful, when you have been done wrong. You will be asking yourself what did I do wrong, always us thinking this way while them, they don't care. But you Just stop blaming yourself and yes cry, and cry hard, because you will soon see that you'll wake up one day and say, why am I crying... YOU WILL GROW TIRED OF CRYING for a wall. It's not worth it. I don't know if you have any children, but if you do, hold on to the thought of one day they might need you because someone, (God forbid, but it can happen), did the same to them. Don't ever forget how much it hurt so you can always be humble and careful when someone might be going through what you have endured. You need to focus and slowly regain your strength back. You are not the only one that has been left this way, and will not be the last either. It'll be painful but it is now time to know yourself.
I went through it and prayed to God, thereafter God was in control, I left every problem to Him, and slowly surrendered, that it wasn't my control but God's will. I use to ask why, ...Why? Well the answer you don't get it till later in years.
To make my story short, It was nice to be taken care by God. Miracle after miracle, the doors were opening left and right to goodness. Went to Medical School, Got a job that allowed me to take my son with me. I had guys wanting to have a relationship, but I was still too loyal to my husband, till one day I met this one guy. I must say that I wrote to God and asked if my husband came back, that I wanted these qualities in my man... But those qualities, every single one was what God sent me, in a guy that I totally fell in love with. When my husband found out in 1996 for the first time I needed to call his lover, and asked if she can do me the favor or giving my husband the divorce papers, of course she was happy and in reality, I was too! Well the day I left her the papers, that same night he came to tell me that he wasn't going to... and blah blah blah... he started coming around more often, and you see this is what I want to talk to you about. When a man sees that you are sure of yourself, has a future, then is when they start to see how they messed up.
Aliven yourself up and have God by your side. I hope your husband is not too late to repent, because it's really sad when you start to realize that he wasn't worth a bit of energy of a tear. And then that's when he wants back in. But of course, not everyone is the same but it's mostly like that though. So get up girl and I hope you start doing something for you, loving yourself is the greatest love of all.
God Bless you,
MariGmz
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Oh honey what a rough time you must be having. I know that it isnt going to make you feel any better right now for me to call him a scum and say you are better off without him. I know how you must be hurting right now. But I can tell you this from experience. You have to just keep going one day at a time. Wake up each morning and go about your day. To end a relationship is a process. You have to greive and go through the steps to healing. This sounds to me like it is a fresh wound for you sweetie and I am so sorry to hear that. It helped me to write all my feelings down in a journal that way you can purge your feelings and have a sounding board too. I am always here if you would like to PM also. I wish you the very best.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (28 March 2009):
 When you love someone so much that you build your whole life around them, thats when it seems like the world ends when they leave. The truth is your husband is a moron. And you CAN live without him, right now you just don't want to. He made his choice now its up to you to be the best person you can be and if he ever comes around he will regret it because of how great you are. Lean on friends and family and when the time is right you will move on. You have to and trust me;.. you are still young. Life can be way better then it was with him if you go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): That long of a marriage will definitely leave you with feelings of need.How to get past it, and trust me, I'm good at it:1. Do good at your job2. Spend at least one hour a day working out3. Smile and say hello to every single man you see; hot, not, young, old, it if has a ding ding, say hi to him, break into the next realm with a genuine socially adjusted effort4. Write down the things you've always wanted to do and start hacking away at them5. Give your time to things that are important to you: it could be donating blood, taking a dance class, learning scuba, visiting friends who need you, taking up a new hobby, perfectly decorating that one room, whatever, and then give a regular schedule to it.6. Let yourself feel the pain; let it come to you when it hits, take a knee if you have to, then get up, and keep your schedule.Remember, you are a good wonderful person no matter what, and there's nothing you can do to change it.
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