A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi...... This weekend my boyfriend of over 1 year and me fell out.I know this happens all the time but we're currently buying a house together (i know it sounds soon but i've known him a lot longer) which is very stressful.His previous relationships have been hard on him as his ex wife cheated on him. But he seems to paint me with the same brush. I'd never hurt him and deep down i think he knows this but just seems to act as though he thinks i would.This weekend my friends were round at our flat and he was picking at me all night even though i was trying to be extra nice, he lost it and threw a couple of cushions at me. I left and stayed at my mums for the night. Now, everyone says he's violent and that i should leave him, but i love him soo much and really don't want to.I just thought i would see what other people thought?x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): I think that your friends need to look at themselves first before judging others. Get the facts right. and keep thier noses out of your buisness. You need to be honest to your man and stop taking advice off others, you know him the best so you make your decision no one else. You also need to trust him more when he tells you that he knows what he is talking about. Stop going in moods and taking things out on him.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (1 May 2007):
 This is a tough one: we all have stressful times but I think that violence only gets worse over time and, if he's throwing cushions now, what will he be doing a year from now? I'm sure he's really sorry about what happened but he can't be taking it out on you when something goes wrong. Trust me, if you two last, you'll go through things a lot more stressful than buying a house.
Only you know this guy: your mates are trying to look out for you but you know whether this was a freak, drunken accident or whether he has this violent streak. I wouldn't advise sticking around if he can be violent but if you think it was a one off, maybe talk to him and think about working it out.
If you ever see this violence in him again, you have to go. Someone once said "fool me once, shame on you: fool me twice, shame on me". Don't fall for this again: if he does it a second time, get out of there. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): Hi x,Moving in together can be very very stressful even without the "buying a house" part. When you buy a house it is a very very scary thing. You both probably have frayed nerves, and as he is stressed his biggest fears are coming out, and for him that is probably that you will cheat him or leave him. Plus if you broke up then he and you will have to deal with the house which makes it even harder because that is a financial mess to deal with at the same time that you are an emptional mess from the break up.I dont think throwing pillows amounts to physical abuse, and of course people argue all the time. (my friend once threw a pair of baby socks at her husband and he used that as an excuse to shove her across the room till she bounced off a wall - not htat is abuse.) Unless he did something more abusive than the cushions that you didn't mention, I would just take a little "time out" - one night away might be enough or maybe you need more - then get together and talk it out when you are both calm.good luck!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Well.... I think that both of you knew that throwing cushions wouldn't properly hurt you but I guess I'd be worried about the way in which he did it. You say he was angry at the time. Were they thrown in a violent way or just a frustrated way? Your friends were there and they describe it as violent which makes me think it might be an idea to make it clear to him that you didn't find his behaviour acceptable. You should never stay with anyone who acts in a violent way. I'm just not sure from what you've said whether he intended to hurt you or not.
CD
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